The Phantomhive Bride
by CalaveraCandiedSkull
Summary: Because every time he said, "Yes, my Lord," what he meant was, "I love you". A story of pirates and princesses, and swashbuckling swordfighting, a story of true love conquering all. This is the parody of The Princess Bride, Kuroshitsuji style!
1. A History of Beauty

**A/N Wow. My first story for Kuroshitsuji and I make it a parody. Of a romance novel, no less. Yea, that's right. I said novel.**

**Yes, this parody is not based off the movie, but the book, which is fairly identical to the movie; it just gives the characters more history and has more to the beginning than the movie. I just thought it would be a funny comparison, a man in black who can do anything always coming to rescue his fair maiden...or...not-maiden...or whatever we say Ciel is.**

**Warning: This story contains a LOT of SebaXCiel, one-sided AloisXCiel and Claude being an asshole. But hey, that's expected, no? Also, multiple references to other anime. **

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, it would be canon.**

_Chapter One – A History of Beauty_

When Ciel was born, the most beautiful boy in the world was a French cook by the name of Francis. He has wavy blond hair and sparkling blue eyes, and caught the eye of all who passed, including the Duke who he worked for.

The Duchess, being the jealous type, tried and tried to find a way to make Francis ugly, but try as she might, he just became more and more beautiful. The Duchess had despaired of ever make the Duke forget about Francis and remember his wife when she discovered something strange, something wonderful. The French boy's fatal flaw, his weakness.

Chocolate.

Suddenly, Francis found that everywhere he went, little chocolates were hidden. To the Duke's dismay, and the Duchess' great joy, he began to gain more and more weight, until his beauty had all but disappeared. But Francis never stopped smiling, and soon married to pastry chef, and led a long happy life with him. The Duchess, on the other hand, discovered the multiple affairs her husband was having – including one with her _mother_ - and was never happy again.

When Ciel turned five, the most beautiful boy in the world was an Italian named Lovino, whose skin was such a shade of olive the likes of which had never been seen before. It was nothing short of absolutely perfect.

However, a dreadful bout of smallpox ravaged his whole family, and although Lovino remained alive to live out a happy life with his Spanish lover, that perfect skin of his was lost forever.

When Ciel turned ten, the most beautiful boy in the world lived in Poland, and was simply perfect in every sense. His name was Feliks. Every day, suitors lined up outside his door to ask for his hand in marriage.

Feliks preened in his beauty. "I have everything," he said. "Beauty, brains(?), riches, youth-" He paused. Youth. He wouldn't always have that. His brow did something it had never done before.

It furrowed. And the first crease of worry appeared on his forehead.

He worried and worried and worried, and before anyone had even realized what had happened, he had as many wrinkles on his face as someone twice his age. His only suitor left was his best friend.

When Ciel was 15, he had no idea what the order of beautiful people was, and in all honesty, he didn't really care. He had potential to be on the list, with eyes bluer than the Mediterranean Sea, and hair the colour of a winter's night. However, his face was constantly marred with a scowl, and his addiction to wearing pointless eye patches made him a rather imposing figure.

His butler was never scared of him. Then again, his butler was never scared of anything. His name was Sebastian, but Ciel never called him that. He had affectionately (read: SARCASM) named him "Butler Boy" and ordered him around. "Butler Boy, bring me my tea." "Yes, my Lord." "Butler Boy, polish my chess set." "Yes, my Lord." "Butler Boy, do this. Butler Boy, do that." "Yes, my Lord."

That was all he ever answered with. "Yes, my Lord." Just those three words. It would irritate Ciel to no end. "Is that all you know how to say, Butler Boy?" "Yes, my Lord."

They lived in the country of Florin, on the outskirts of town in a great big mansion made of gloomy stone and adorned with gargoyles. Mr and Mrs Phantomhive were the most boring people you would ever meet, Sebastian took care of the whole house by himself, because the only other servant was a decrepit old man named Tanaka. Ciel had a horse (named Horse, he wasn't very original) that he liked to ride, but apart from that, days were stiflingly boring. Ciel constantly prayed something would happen to take his mind off the dreariness of his life.

He immediately took that wish back the day the Count came to visit.

**A/N Well, there you have it. Those of you who've read the book props to you! Those of you who haven't, go read it, I'm not doing it justice. (Although I am pretty close, hehe) ** **And cookies go to the awesome people who recognize the other anime reference! **

**Reviews are the cats to my Sebastian~!**


	2. A Visit From the Count

**A/N Wow, you guys! I got way more reviews than I expected thanks!**

**Well, not like it would have mattered, I'm continuing this whether anyone likes it or not, haha...But still! I appreciate it!**

**Oh yeah, this chapter is unbearably short, deal with it.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of this, so yes, you can all sleep tonight. **

_Chapter Two – A Visit from the Count_

The Count and Countess of Faustus were probably the most well-known people in all of Florin, if not the whole world. Countess Hannah Faustus was always wearing the tip-top fashions straight from Paris (this was after Paris), and always had her hair done up in a different way every day. In fact, it was said that after she wore a pair of shoes once, she threw them out and bought a new pair. This theory stemmed from the fact that no one had ever seen her wear the same pair of shoes twice.

Count Claude, on the other hand, was tall, dark, and handsome; and made fangirls go 'squee' wherever he went. With his slicked-back, jet-black hair and liquid gold eyes, affinity for tap-dancing and poetry, and overall sexiness, he was definitely the most well-respected man on the planet.

As it was, the Count and Countess of Faustus had today decided to visit the vast Phantomhive estate.

Ciel's mother and father were in the kitchen, griping to each other about God-knows what, when Mr Phantomhive spotted the carriage through the window.

"My God, look!" he cried in a heavy British accent. "It's the Faustus'! They're here!"

"I don't believe you," Mrs Phantomhive replied, nose in the air.

Mr Phantomhive glared. "Look! I'm telling you, they're here!"

Not wanting to look like an idiot if she was wrong, Mrs Phantomhive surreptitiously glanced out the window, and her jaw hit the floor.

"Told you so," smirked Mr Phantomhive.

Ciel was immediately dragged outside (arguing loudly and much against his will) with his overenthusiastic parents.

The Count and Countess got out of the carriage slowly, taking in their surroundings. The Phantomhives sighed in awe. Ciel was characteristically bored.

"What can we do for you, sir?" Mr Phantomhive stuttered, bowing low while his wife curtsied.

"We have come to inquire about your cows," replied Count Claude.

Ciel blinked.

"Our cows, my lord?" stammered poor Mrs Phantomhive.

"Yes, your cows," he replied. "You see, the lady and I are thinking of starting our own farming business, and we have heard your cows are the finest in all the land." Mr Phantomhive beamed visibly. "I wish to inquire as to how they are fine. I say," he said, eyes finding Ciel. "Who is this charming young lad?"

"My son, Ciel." Mrs Phantomhive watched as the Count roved his eyes over the younger boy. Ciel squirmed under the heat of his gaze, glaring as a response.

"Er, about those cows," said Mr Phantomhive. Count Claude blinked.

"Ah, yes," he said. "About those cows."

"Our butler tends to them." Mrs Phantomhive hesitated. "Shall – shall I call him for you?"

"Is that him?" Countess Hannah spoke for the first time. Her keen eye had spotted Sebastian coming out of the barn.

And what a sight for sore eyes he was. His shirt was gone, showing off his pale skin, which seemed to sparkle in the crisp afternoon air. (Vampire!) Lean muscles rippled lusciously underneath sweat-soaked skin, making it shine in the sunlight. (Oh.) He stood back, pushing his hair away from his face in one smooth motion.

Countess Hannah licked her lips.

"Oh, my," she whispered. "Perhaps I should, er, go see how he does it," she murmured breathlessly.

Ciel felt something foreign and wretched coiling in his stomach, growling at the way the Countess was staring at Sebastian. Feeling the sudden need to follow the Countess, he muttered, "I should go too." The Count nodded and followed suit, eyes never leaving Ciel.

Mr and Mrs Phantomhive stared in awe at the odd brigade, heading out to the barn. They were watching Claude, who was watching Ciel, who was watching Hannah.

Who was watching Sebastian.

**A/N Applause for the shortest chapter I've ever written for anything! Haha, don't worry, next chapter is both longer and better (that's what she said) and includes Ciel throwing a teenage-girl hissy fit. Tune in if you want to read it!**

**Reviews are the black to my butler~!**


	3. Great Cases of Things

**A/N Beware! Your mind is about to be blown by Ciel's hormonal girly hissy-fit. Woot!**

**Ohya, thanks for all the awesome reviews. Seriously. You guys rock my socks.**

**Disclaimer: If I owned it, then you would know about it.**

_Chapter Three – Great Cases of Things_

Ciel's nightmare tormented him that night. Unable to sleep, he tossed and turned in his bed, trying to calm his churning thoughts.

What had the Countess seen in Sebastian that was so...irresistible? Well, sure, Ciel thought; his hair was as smooth and black as a raven's wing, but who cares about hair anyway? And perhaps his skin was as pale as a porcelain dolls, but only if you liked that sort of thing.

Maybe it was his eyes. They were a deep, scarlet red that burned with the fire of a thousand suns. Maybe it was the way his muscles rippled under his skin when he moved. Maybe it was his long, lean limbs and sultry, seductive smile, although Ciel failed to see what was attractive about any of these features.

It must be his teeth, he decided. They were very white, and it wasn't very hard for Ciel to see why someone like Hanna Faustus would be attracted to them.

And therein lay the problem that was plaguing Ciel. Why should it bother him that the Countess was interested in Sebastian? Why should he care? He didn't care.

So why was it such a great damn problem!

Since the invention of jealousy when Sasuke left Sakura for Naruto, there have been three great cases of jealous breakdowns. And Ciel's drastic, hormonal-teenage-girl fit of weeping, pillow-throwing, face-smashing, and chocolate-eating blew them all away.

"I can bear it no longer!" He cried with great, feminine flair; throwing the door open and flouncing down the hall.

He stomped out the back door, fuming and annoyed, a scowl plastered on his face. Making a beeline for the hut Sebastian lived in, he brushed his bangs back and banged on the door.

He tapped his feet impatiently. Somewhere behind the door, he could hear moans, feet shuffling and cats meowing. Growing more agitated each second, he raised his fist to knock again.

"Yes, yes, I'm coming," Ciel heard, muffled behind the door, which was promptly swung open by a dishevelled-looking butler. "Young Master, it's four in the morning. What are you doing up-"

"I love you."

Sebastian froze, and blinked. "I-pardon me, Young Master, I must not have heard correctly. I though thought I heard-"

"You heard me right. I love you." Ciel was glaring harder than he had even glared in his life. "I didn't know it 'till this afternoon, although perhaps I've known for much longer, it just never occurred to me that it could be love I was feeling, but no matter whether I realized then or now, because now I know, and it's been driving me crazy because the Countess is much too old for you, and it was that thought that started the jealousy, which is perhaps what made me realize I love you in the first place. And as the night progressed, I though the love I felt was wider than all the oceans in the world, but five minutes after that I realized the love I felt before was nothing compared to what I was currently feeling. Even now, standing before you, the love I was feeling then is like a grain of sand against the beach of feeling I have now. So there you have it, I love you, Sebastian, I love you." He took a deep breath and looked up at Sebastian.

He closed the door in his face.

Well. Fancy that.

Feeling rather lost for words, Ciel turned back and headed for his house.

**xXx**

Ciel felt empty. He felt hollow. He had no feelings whatsoever. Certainly not heartbroken. Ha! Who said that?

Well, none of that mattered to him anymore. In fact, as soon as Sebastian walked through that door to begin his daily chores, Ciel would laugh at him and tell him what a fool he had been for believing that silly joke Ciel had pulled on him.

Oh, here's your big chance, Ciel, he's coming up to the door right now.

Sebastian knocked. Ciel played another round of chess with himself, waiting until Sebastian knocked again. Which he did. Very promptly.

The blue-haired boy got up and flounced towards the door, flinging it open with a dramatic flourish. "Why, Butler Boy! Whatever are you doing out this early in the morning? Oh, you're not upset about that little joke I played on you this morning, are you?" He laughed obnoxiously. "Haha, only someone like you like you could possibly fall for such a-"

"I'm leaving."

The floor disappeared from under Ciel's feet. "L-leaving? But w-why? I mean – surely it can't be because of what I said this morning?"

"Actually, it's exactly because of what you said this morning." Sebastian replied good-naturedly. "I'm going to America. To seek my fortune." (This was after America.)

"But-but _why_?" Ciel repeated, his eye open wide.

"Once I go there, I will build a house, upon which I will return for you, and we can live there together, Young Master."

"I-you-you _what_?" Ciel's eye was still open, but it was for a completely different reason now.

"My goodness, Young Master," Sebastian said, a hint of a smile on his perfect lips. "Did you acquire a stutter since I saw you last?"

"I-no," Ciel said, drawing himself up to his full height, halfway up Sebastian's chest. "I most certainly did not!"

The older man smiled. "Good. I would hate to think my dearest love had a speech impediment."

The stutter returned. "Your-d-dearest-_what_?"

"Love," Sebastian replied. "Of course. I've been telling you all along. "

"What?" snapped Ciel. "No you bloody haven't!"

"Yes I have. You just weren't listening properly. Every time I said, 'Yes, my Lord', what I was really saying was I love you."

"You were?"

"I was."

"...So you love me?"

"Indeed."

"...Well then." Ciel stuck out his hand. "I suppose that's that, then."

"Yes." Sebastian shook it. "That's that." He hesitated for a moment, then turned to leave.

Ciel exploded. "_Without one kiss!"_

They fell into each other arms.

Since Renton and Eureka kissed at the end of their series, there have been five recorded kisses of the ultimate in purity and passion. And this one blew them all away.

**A/N So, not as long as I thought. It looked longer in my notebook, I swear! Although, that was probably because it was all conversation, haha. Oh well. I hope it was still good!**

**Who can catch the two other anime references?**

**Review if you wanna see more SebbyXCiel sappy stuff~! **


	4. Prince HumperI mean, Alois

**A/N Hey, guys, long time no see? Hehe.../shot/**

**Ugh. Life has been so hectic. School started up again, but the semester is almost over, and I'm teetering on the brink of failing and not failing math...literally, I'm at %50.3. But If I pass you'll all know, 'cause I'll be freaking out instead of writing. Ehe.**

**Kay. So, this was originally supposed to be chapter 5, but I didn't have the chapter 4 rough draft done, and I needed something for you guys to munch on while I write it, so I switched them around. Also my hands are REALLY cold, so I'm typing this twice as slow as I normally do, though.**

**Anyways, prepare yourself, for the horror that is PRINCE ALOIS!**

**Disclaimer: If we lived in a communist society, I would own Kuroshitsuji. And the Princess Bride. However, we are not communist (yet) so I must lie in wait to plan my attack.**

_Chapter Four – Prince Alois_

There was a rule in Florin, one created by the current King's great-great-great-great grandfather. And that rule was that the King had to marry another boy and adopt a son. It may seem silly and shoved in to make this story make sense, but it was actually a very usable rule. It avoided situations like Henry the 8th, killing all his wives who couldn't give him sons. What a silly man he was!

The current King, before he was adopted, had been an Earl. Earl Trancy. He was old now, with greying hair and old age spots. His husband, who was just a little too young for it to be conventional (Not that it mattered. Everyone knew he was a pedo) was still in peak physical condition. However, he didn't have position to take the throne after his royal husband died. And since the Prince was still a young man, the King's ailing health was a very real problem in the kingdom.

"Did the miracle man fail yet again?" inquired the King's personal doctor, as one of the many castle pages left the operating room.

"Well, he's successfully prolonged the King's life again, but I'm afraid he just can't perform another miracle!" replied the page, looking rather frazzled.

"Very well," sighed the doctor. "Take this matter up with the Prince."

"Yes, sir."

Now, the page was not a cowardly man. But as he approached the door to the Prince's office, he began to tremble. Raising his hand to the door, he gulped.

And knocked.

There were several moments of silence, in which the poor page shifted his weight from foot to foot, the picture of nervousness. Then, the door was flung open to reveal a very, very angry-looking boy with blonde hair, blue eyes, and a sword in his hand. "WHAT?"

The page screamed. "Prince Alois! Ah-uh-the, the uh-the miracle m-man, he-ah-"

"Failed again?" asked Prince Alois Trancy, sneering at the page cowering below him.

"_Yes_!" He squeaked. The cleared his throat. "I mean, yes, Your Highness."

"Alright then! Fire him!" chirped Alois, his face drastically changing from terrifying to adorable in 0.3 seconds.

"Yes, your Highness!" the page squealed, then dashed down the hall at top speed.

Alois swung the door closed, and leaned against it. "Why do they always run?"

**xXx**

Prince Alois was well feared throughout the kingdom, and for good reason. He pulled out the eyes of servants who disobeyed him, killed any he felt weren't deserving of his presence. Hell, he killed if he was having an off day!

Was Alois Trancy always this way? Yes, yes he was. But he wasn't always Alois Trancy. Up until he was eight years old, he was known in a tiny village as Jim McCain. He lived there with his sickly little brother, scavenging for food, and places to stay. That was until the King plucked him away from the only home and family he ever had and brought him to the palace, and made him a prince.

Now, don't go feeling sorry for him. He was still a little prick, no matter how sad his story was.

Now, there was one thing Alois hated, and that was to be bored. So he took up a hobby – one that would keep him occupied when his mind became a little too tired. And that hobby was hunting.

Yes, Alois loved hunting more than anything else in the kingdom. And it helped that he was simply fantastic at it, too. No bird or beast could escape him when he put his mind to it.

But even a hobby like this could drive Alois to boredom, especially since he was so good at it. He had caught simply everything worth catching!

So one day, Alois had an absolutely brilliant idea – he would build a zoo! One that had all his greatest quarries in it, that he could simply release the animal of his choice, chase it down, catch it, and put it back!

So he built this zoo, and named it the Zoo of Death. (Ooh, scary.) It had 5 levels, each for a different kind of quarry. He first level was filled with enemies of strength. The next, for foes of speed. The third level was reserved for animals that used and abused poison, making them perhaps the most dangerous. The fourth floor was for something else entirely – fear. Beasts so terrifying, even Alois even felt a thrill of fear when chasing them.

But the fifth level was empty. Unoccupied. See, Alois was saving this final level for the ultimate foe, the animal he couldn't catch. Of course, he had yet to meet an enemy he couldn't catch, so it remained empty, waiting for its occupant.

**xXx**

Alois slid into the seat in front of his desk, and sighed. "Father's health is ailing again."

Count Claude Faustus raised his eyes from the book he was reading. "Your Highness, you are aware of what this means, are you not?"

Alois groaned, and smacked his head on the desk. "No..." he grumbled. "I don't. Enlighten me."

The Count stood up from his chair. "Begging your pardon, Your Highness, but I think you know exactly what this means."

"Drat." Alois smiled. "I can't hide anything from you, dear Claude." A sigh escaped his lips. "I suppose this means I'll have to get married."

**A/N Alois has to get married? Well, shit. Ciel! HIDE!**

**I wonder if it came as a surprise to anyone that Alois played out dear Prince Humperdinck... I think it's a perfect fit. Of course, he may seem a little out of character in the beginning, but as his evil nature is truly revealed, I think it'll be a match made in heaven.**

**Eh, sorry there was no SebbyCiel action in this chapter. You'll just have to pull up your socks and wait until further chapters! Or go watch the movie and imagine the people as they are in this story! Trust me, its fun. xD**

**I forgot to do this last time. Reviews are the 10****th**** to my Gokudera~!**


	5. Becoming Beautiful

**A/N Well, hello~ there, dearies! Long time no read!**

**I really am sorry for the long space between updates. It'll probably stay this way until next weekend, in which case semester 1 and the dreaded course known as math will be over. Promise!**

**Anyways. Be prepared for another filler chapter. Have no fears, though - some of this one was actually in the movie.**

**Disclaimer: The very fact that I'm saying 'Disclaimer' should tell you all you need to know.**

_Chapter Five: Becoming Beautiful_

After Sebastian left, Ciel spent a day mourning his loss. He didn't even wear his eye patch. All he did was lounge around all day, staring at the king and queen chess pieces with longing in his eyes. His parents left him alone – they wanted no part in this.

Of course, as Ciel wallowed in his solitude, his mind began to wander, and create scenarios of Sebastian's return. What would it be like? Would he throw open the door, silhouetted by flower petals and shining light, declaring his true and lasting love for Ciel? (Imagine it. Do it.) Or would he steal through the window in the dead of night, wearing naught but a black cape and a rose clenched between his perfect teeth? (Go ahead, imagine that one, too.)

And what would he do if he saw Ciel in this sad, sad state of affairs? No doubt sweep him up in his arms, and shower him with hugs and butterfly kisses until Ciel smiled again. The very thought caused Ciel to go weak at the knees.

But perhaps Sebastian would be disgusted with the way Ciel handled himself. Maybe he would come back, and say, "I'm sorry, but while in America, I met a lady who is ten times more lovely and well-put together than you are. So, goodbye."

A stab of fear shot through Ciel's heart like a shard of ice. No! He couldn't allow that to happen!

"Mother! Father!" Ciel flung the dining room door open. "What should I do to become more beautiful?"

"Stop scowling." His mother answered immediately.

"And take a bath!" His father chimed in.

"Scrub behind your ears!"

"And comb your hair 100 strokes!"

"An apple a day!"

"Perhaps dress a little more nicely!"

"Alright, alright, dammit!" Ciel threw his hands up. "Enough!" He sighed, and ran thin fingers through his hair. "Gracious me, but it isn't easy being beautiful." His hand got caught in a tangle in his matted hair. He glared at it seemingly trying to make it smooth out through sheer force of mind. "Well, I should probably start seeing about that bath..."

"Uh-uh!" Mrs Phantomhive chirped. "Chores first!"

Ciel was silent for a moment, then turned to his father. "...What?"

Mr Phantomhive grinned, and shoved a shovel into his sons' hands. "Now that Sebastian is gone, we need someone to do the chores!"

Ciel stared at them. He was flabbergasted. Chores? _Him? _Perish the thought!

Mr Phantomhive looked thoughtfully at his wife. "You know, it would be such a shame if Sebastian came back and discovered his dearest love was incapable of doing a few household chores."

Mrs Phantomhive nodded in mock grief. "Such a shame..."

Ciel stiffened, glaring wide-eyed at his parents, blushing furiously. He stuck his tongue out in the most immature way possible and stomped off in a huff.

His parents shook their heads in amazement. "What does Sebastian see in him?

"I really have no clue."

**xXx**

And so the days began to fall into a set repetition. Every morning, Ciel dragged himself out of bed, and had his chores done by lunchtime. After hurriedly eating his lunch, he retreated upstairs and wasn't seen again until dinner.

His parents watched in awe, as the weeks went by, as their once lazy son became a reliable young man. They also noted Ciel's steady climb on the list of being beautiful – every day he seemed a little more lovely that the one before. "Sebastian's influence," they murmured, shaking their heads in amazement.

And what did Ciel do whilst upstairs? First, he took his bath, and scrubbed his skin until it was raw. He filed his nails, combed his hair, and stared at the mirror for hours on end, trying to will his reflection into perfection. Then he played a few rounds of chess with himself (no one would ever win) to keep himself smart, and went to bed early. He needed his beauty sleep.

Everyone who lived near the mansion noticed the change in Ciel. He became less of a rude little boy, and more of a dashingly handsome young teenager. In fact, it wasn't very long before all of the boys and all of the girls were bending to his every will. And although he still walked with his nose in the air, he looked more like a prince than a spoiled little brat.

"It's that butler," they all gossiped. "Sebastian. He's responsible for this wonderful development." Then they all huddled and made plans for the wedding.

Indeed, Sebastian had changed Ciel. The boy now knew how to smile, how to laugh, and how to just plain ignore people when they pissed him off. He really, truly did love Sebastian, somewhere deep inside, and was determined to become a better person for it.

Which was probably why his death hit as hard as it did.

"His ship was taken by the Dread Pirate Michaelis. I'm sorry." They said. Sad looks flitted across the faces of everyone who heard. The Dread Pirate Michaelis, everyone knew, took no survivors.

Ciel froze over. He retreated to his room. No one could make him leave, not for any amount of begging. Not for anything in the world would Ciel leave his room.

He wasn't crying. There was no point in crying, Ciel thought. It was over, it was done. Nothing needed to be said.

This is a lie. He cried. And cried, and cried, until he very well may have just died of dehydration. He cried until he had no more tears, and even then, his dry, empty sobs echoed all night. For six months, he cried, for six months, he did not eat, he did not sleep, he only wept for what he once had, and what he lost.

Until one night, when abruptly, the crying stopped. The door swung quietly open, and out stepped Ciel.

Only, it wasn't the same Ciel that had hidden away six months ago. This Ciel had his eye patch back on, and the eye you could see was piercing blue, cold, dead, and insanely beautiful. He had the face of a person who's life had been ripped to shreds and sown together again with thread of cold gold. In the space of only eight months, Ciel had gone to barely on the list to easily the most beautiful boy in all of existence.

He raised his chin, and stared calmly at the world around him. When he spoke, his voice was clean, clear, crisp, cold, and perfect.

"I will never love again."

He never did.

**A/N ***SPOILER ALERT*****

**Sebastian isn't dead.**

**...**

**Hope you all enjoyed that. Hurrah's for next chapter, in which Ciel becomes a princess! 8D**

**Once again, I thank you all for the kind reviews you give. Sometimes I feel I don't deserve them. Other times, I shove them in my friends' faces. Sometimes, I look at them on a down day and it becomes so much better. I really, truly do love you all.**

**...so, review, please? After all, reviews are the Gaga to my Lady~!**


	6. Do You Find Me Common Now?

**A/N Eh heh...well, hello there...how've you all been?**

**I am SO SO SO SO SOOOOO SORRY for the major space in updating time. It'll never get this bad again, I promise. But I really had to buckle down with schoolwork, and I only had time to work on one of my stories. I hope you all understand!**

**But, you'll be happy to know, I passed math. With, like, 50% exact *shot***

**And the days of no updates are over, do you hear! OVER! I'm back in the game, baby!**

**Disclaimer: Oh, wait, lemme check-nope, still don't own it.**

_Chapter Six – Do You Find Me Common Now?_

Alois was more annoyed than he'd ever been in his life. "I'm more annoyed than I've ever been in my life!" he shouted, banging his fist against his desk. "Why are none of the boys in this kingdom beautiful enough for me?"

He had been through a whole slew of boys – princes, dukes, counts, even low-lying lords of small pieces of land. Hell, he'd even met with the prince of Guilder – the country that was the sworn enemy of their own! (Things had actually gone rather well – until a gust of wind blew in and stole his hat, and Alois learned the Prince was bald. Sorry, Ikkaku, Alois wasn't marrying no Mr Clean lookalike.)

So Alois was frustrated in every sense of the word. It had already been seven months, and he was still not engaged. He was running out of places to look.

"Claude," he said, "I'm down on my knees here. I need to find a husband, and SOON!"

Count Claude stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Hmmm... I hadn't wanted to come to this... but under these circumstances..."

Alois' head shot up. "Who is he?" he demanded.

"He is an earl," said Claude.

"Just like my father..." mused Alois.

"Yes. But his family is not rich, and he lives like a commoner-"

"Is he beautiful?"

"The most."

"Take me to him."

**xXx**

Ciel was taking his bucket to the well, to fill it with water. People were staring at him, they always did, but how could they not? He was beautiful!

He had just lowered the bucket when a shadowed figure appeared on the other side.

"My Lord," said the blond boy, sweeping down in a bow. "Prince Alois, at your service."

Ciel watched in silent amusement, deadpan.

Alois hurried to fill the silence. "And I was wondering if you would do me the honour of becoming my husband." He gave a grand flourish and bowed again.

"No." Ciel turned on his heel and left.

Alois flushed in anger. That little tramp! Who did he think he is? Dismissed. Rejected. Publicly Humiliated! Why, it was more than he could bear! No one says no to Gaston!

...I mean, Alois.

He stomped after him. "That was not a request!"

"It certainly sounded like it was."

"I could have your head for that."

"Fine, then! Kill me!" Ciel turned back, eyes flashing. "I care not."

Alois' mind was working furiously. He'd already decided, he was going to marry this hot-tempered, ever-scowling boy. He jumped into his path.

"What can I offer you? Money? Jewels? Status? Anything you wish, I swear it will be yours!"

Ciel turned to him slowly. "Anything?"

"Yes!" Alois spread his hands out. "Anything you ask for!"

His blue eye narrowed. "The one thing I ask for is the one thing you cannot give me!" And he was on his way again.

Something clicked in Alois' head. "I'm not asking you to love me," he called out after him.

Ciel stopped, and turned to face him.

"All I want is for you to wed me. I will not ask anything more of you."

Ciel walked up to him slowly. "If I agree to this, then you must know that I will never, ever love you."

Alois bowed. "Understood." A smile curled on his lips. "So? We have a deal?" He held out his hand.

"Deal." His eyes narrowed further. "But I am _not_ shaking your hand."

**xXx**

A large group of people had gathered in the square. They stared up at the stone balcony that held the aging king and his young son, smiling benignly down at their subjects. Trumpets kept blaring out this really annoying song.

Alois stepped forward and held out hid hand for silence. "My people!" he called out, exuding asshole with every gesture of his hand. "A month from now, our country will celebrate its five hundredth anniversary! On that sundown, I will marry a lord who once lived like a commoner, as yourselves! But perhaps, you will not find him common now. Would you like to meet him?"

The crowd roared its approval.

"My people! I give you... the Princess Ciel!"

The trumpets blared, and a bright light flared behind one of the many corridors. Surrounded by a halo of glowing white, Ciel strode out into the crowd, watching them all with detached indifference. His head was held high, complete with a bejewelled crown on his head.

The entire crowd was speechless, bowing down, looks of awe on their faces. Never before had they seen such a lovely creature.

They watched him. A hundred people watched him. A hundred people including a shadow, a man in black, hiding behind a corner with a murderous gleam in his eyes.

Yes, a hundred people were watching Ciel that day. But only three were planning to kill him.

**A/N Ah, a shorter chapter than I had planned. But I had to stop it there! Otherwise next chapter would be all over the place!**

**Stay tuned next time to meet the three kidnappers! And remember, reviews are the All For One to my One For All~!**


	7. Kidnapped!

**A/N Okay. SO.**

**...I know I said they days of no updates were over...but Mother Nature decided to screw me over and I got sick. Like really bad sick. And I felt really bad about not being able to update, but what can you do when you can't even get out of bed? *cries***

**Anyways. I'm back in the game, for reals this time.**

**Disclaimer: Last night, I was visited by an angel who told me Kuroshitsuji was mine. But, it turned out to be Angela, and we have mutual hate for each other, so she denied me :/ What a bitch.**

_Chapter Seven – Kidnapped!_

Life became dull and colourless for Ciel after that day, even more than it had been before. The only joy he found anymore was in his daily ride. Galloping along on Horse's back, he found he could forget how dreary his life had become and tried to remember a time when it was bursting at the seams with colour.

It was, of course, during one of these very rides that Ciel's life changed forever. For the third time.

Shaken out of his daydreams by a snapping twig, he realized he had once again strayed too far from the path. Again. He tried to make sense of where he was, but nothing seemed familiar. As his eyes roved across the landscape, it caught sight of four – count 'em, four – mysterious figures standing at the side of his path.

Warily, he ventured toward them. "May I help you?" He enquired.

"Possibly," the man wearing all-white smiled. "Do you know the closest way to town?"

Ciel was rather taken aback by this. "Why, there is no town for miles!" he replied.

An Indian man came forward, raising his heavily bandaged arm. "Then there will be no one to hear you scream," he said, and pressed his fingers to Ciel's neck. And before he could even utter a sound, Ciel had fallen into a dead faint.

**xXx**

"Did you have to go so hard on him?" Ash inquired of his Indian companion, pale eyebrows raised as the man lifted the princess into his arms.

"I cannot control the strength of this arm," replied Agni, raising it up to the sunlight. "It has the power of a God."

Another Indian with purple hair rushed forward. "Agni!" He cried. "That was amazing!"

The final member of their party stood a ways away. "I don't think this is such a good idea," he worried in an accent that was definitely not Spanish. "I mean, kidnapping the Princess is a serious thing! What if we get caught! What if we-" and here he put a hand over his heart "-start a war!" Distressed, he pulled a knife from somewhere within the folds of his deep red coat. "If I started a war, I would be forced to kill myself!"

Ash snatched the knife out of his companion's hands. "Really, Grell," he sighed, obviously annoyed. "Enough of your theatrics. We were _hired _to start a war." He took a piece of embroidered cloth, and shoved in the saddlebags of Ciel's horse. "And once the prince finds his precious princess kidnapped - and by soldiers of Guilder, no less - and killed on the border between Florin and Guilder, he'll have no choice but to go to war!"

**xXx**

They were a team, those three. Four. Sorry. Ash was the brains of the group – he was descended from a long line of chess masters from Sicily. Grell was the steel; he was a master swordsman, even if he preferred to use a chainsaw. Agni was the strength – his arm of God could not be defeated by any mortal man. And Soma – well, he was just there to not break continuity. An Agni without Soma would be very OOC, indeed. He'll pretty much play absolutely no part to the story.

They were mercenaries, given jobs by any various people for any various amounts of money, and performing them to perfection. And their job, as of right now, was to kill the Princess that lay out cold on the floor of their boat...

**xXx**

When Ciel came to, hi eye patch was gone. He clawed at it in anger, hating the way the cool sea air felt on his naked eye. He stopped when cruel laughter echoed above his head. The man in white was hovering over him, smiling snidely. "Good morning, sleeping beauty~"

Ciel lunged at him, but was held back by that same Indian who made him faint in the first place. "You-what have you done with me?"

"Silly little prince," Ash sighed, "princess, whatever. Surely you have realized the situation you are in, haven't you?"

"You'll never get away with it," Ciel glared. "My fiancée is the greatest hunter in all the land. He will not let you get away with this!"

Ash was laughing. "He already has," he simpered.

His eyes caught sight of Grell, who had been glancing out behind them for the past few minutes. "What are you looking at?"

"Huh? Oh, nothing," Grell replied. "I'm just looking to see if anyone is following us."

"That would be inconceivable!" Ash snapped. "It's the middle of the night, in the middle of the ocean on dangerous waters, and it's not even fishing season! _No one is following us!"_

_Splash._

Agni pointed out across the water. "Uh, he's getting away." Ash and Grell whipped their heads around (They whip their hair back and forth, they whip their hair back and fo-sorry) and ran down to the edge of the boat.

Sure enough, splashing around in the black waters was Ciel.

He gasped and spluttered, nothing on his mind but getting as far away from that boat as possible. Through his water clogged ears, he could hear them hissing. "Turn the boat around, turn it around!"

As he swam, dreadful noises began to echo around him. He stopped, treading water, attempting to hear them more clearly.

"Do you hear that sound, highness?" Ash's voice bounced across the water. "Those are the shrieking eels."

Shrieking eels? What? Ciel's heart rate sped up as the sounds got louder.

As if reading his mind, Ash's smirk grew. "They always get louder," he leaned forward, "as they're about to feed."

Ciel gasped as one surfaced beside him, its skin rubbery as it brushed against him.

His terror mounted as he noticed them now, everywhere around him. The shrieking noises were almost deafening now, and it was taking all of Ciel's manly will-power not to scream.

The water parted in front of him, to make way for the head of an eel. It opened its mouth, and Ciel came face-to-face with rows and rows of shiny teeth.

Just as it was about to take a rather large bite out of Ciel's face, a hand slammed down on it and reached to pull him out of the water by his collar. As he gasped and coughed, Ash knelt down beside him, leaning close. "I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?" he hissed, breath tickling the hairs on Ciel's neck. He raised his head, breathing heavily.

"Only compared to some," he snarled.

Ash's face turned dark. He smacked Ciel across the cheek, and stomped away, looking for another outlet for his anger. His pale eyes found Grell. "_What are you doing?"_

The redhead glanced back. "Are you sure no one is following us?"

Ash threw his hands up in exasperation. "Yes! I'm sure! No one can possibly follow us! It's _inconceivable!" _He hesitated. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh, no reason." Grell replied, shrugging. "I just happened to look behind us and someone is following us."

**A/N Dun dun DUN!**

**Again, I am truly sorry. Being sick really sucks balls.**

**But... you can help heal me by giving reviews! Because after all, reviews are the water bottle to my Justin Bieber's face!**


	8. The Cliffs Of Insanity

**A/N Hello, my pretties~! I would just like to say, thank you, thank you, for all the wonderful feedback I get while writing this. I don't think I've mentioned it enough. :)**

**So, without further ado, let's get it started!**

**Disclaimer: Let's just say that if I owned it, the rating would be changed.**

_Chapter Eight: The Cliffs of Insanity_

"What?" Ash leaped up on to the deck, beside Grell. They peered out into the clear night air, and sure enough, someone was following them.

"P-probably just some local fisherman, out for a nightly job... in eel infested waters..." Ash said hesitantly. Grell looked at him. "It's nothing to worry about!"

Ciel's ears had pricked up at the mention of a possible rescue. Now Ash glared at him. "He's no concern of ours," he snapped. "Keep going!"

Morning came, and the boat hadn't stopped tailing them. "He's right on top of us!" Grell whined. "I wonder if using the same wind we are using..."

"Whoever he is, he's too late!" Ash cackled. "See!" He flung his hand out, pointing towards the fog-ridden island in front of them. Great, sheer cliffs rose to meet them, too steep and high for Ciel's brain to even register. Unbidden, he let out a quiet whimper.

"The Cliffs of Insanity!" Ash cried, elated with their victory. "Hurry up!"

The boat was still gaining as they docked at the thin strip of beach. Ash, however, took no mind. "We're safe," he said triumphantly. "Only Agni is strong enough to climb them!"

The boat still gained.

Ash fitted a harness around Agni, then looped one of the straps around Ciel, another around Grell, and another around Soma. (Whoa, he's still there! Oh, he gave me a heart attack!) He looped the final one around himself. And Agni began to climb.

He climbed quickly, but it wasn't long before the other boat docked beside theirs, and a man dressed all in black hopped out. He spied the rope and began to climb, using his feet to speed up the process.

Grell looked down. "He's climbing the rope." He blinked. "And he's gaining on us!"

"Inconceivable!" Ash murmured, amazed. "Faster!"

"I am going as fast as I can..."

"I thought you were supposed to be strong!"

"Well, I am carrying four people, and he has got only himself..."

Ciel half-listened to their bickering. He was watching the man in black, and indeed it seemed he was gaining. There was something oddly familiar about hi, he decided, something like from a dream he'd long ago forgotten...

He was jerked out of his thoughts when a piece of spittle hit him on the cheek. "Did I make it clear that your job is at stake!" Ash shrieked furiously.

Disgusted, Ciel wiped his cheek. Thank the Gods they were almost at the top.

As Agni clambered over the top, the four scrambled to claim their spot of safe ground. Ciel sighed, and leaned into the dirt. A few feet away, he could hear Grell kissing it.

Only Ash Got to his feet. Pulling out a small knife, he began sawing at the thick rope that had brought them up.

He sawed and sawed, and finally the rope gave. The others watched as it fell over the edge, no doubt taking the man in black and Ciel's last hope with it.

Grell and Agni went over to check, but were met with an unhappy sight – the man in black had clung to the rocks at the last minute, and was hanging on for dear life.

Ash ran over. "He didn't fall? Inconceivable!"

Grell looked over at him funny. "You keep on using that word, he mused, but I do not think you know what it means..."

And then the man in black stared to climb.

**A/N Yeah. So, shortest chapter in the history of short chapter, but I have to split them up like this. Otherwise, it would be inconceivable! *likes using that word out of context***

**Tell you what. I'll make it better by updating really really fast, okay? And you can help me, too – by reviewing! After all, reviews are the Speedy to my Gonzalez!**


	9. Whoo! Fight!

**A/N I must be the worst updater in the world. There's just too much going on in my life for me to consider writing more than one chapter a week!**

**Disclaimer: DON'T MAKE ME SAY IT oTL**

_Chapter Nine – Ooh! Fight!_

The man in black was climbing.

Ash's jaw dropped about a mile. "He must have seen us with the princess!" He exclaimed. Ciel made a noise of indignation at being called a female, but Ash ignored him. "Therefore he must die. You," He smacked Agni on the chest, "you and Soma take him and come with me. We'll head straight for the Guilder frontier." He looked pointedly at Grell. "Stay here and make sure he stays out of our way. If he falls, fine; if not, the sword."

"Chainsaw."

"Whatever."

Grell looked at his hands thoughtfully. "I think I'm going to fight him left-handed."

Ash turned to glare at him. Hard. "You _know_ what a hurry we're in!"

Grell did a little dance on the spot. "Ooh, but my hunk radar is going off! If I fight him right-handed, it'll be over to quickly!" He pulled a pouty face. "I wanna get a good look at him."

Ash threw his hands up in the air. "Fine! Have it your way!"

As the other three left, Grell began shaking his hands. In order to warm up for the upcoming battle, he began to practice sword movements, not bothering to turn on the chainsaw. Then, growing bored, (something Grell did easily) he sidled over to the cliff's edge and looked over.

"Hello, there!"

The man in black raised his head. Grell lifted his hand in greeting. "Slow going?"

The man in black spoke for the first time. "Look, I don't mean to be rude, but this is a lot trickier than it looks, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't distract me."

Grell nodded, "Sorry," and continued practicing. This time, he actually pulled the cord, letting the loud, roaring noise than came from his chainsaw echo across the gorge. But he soon turned it off and went back to the edge.

"I don't suppose you could speed things up?"

The words were very rude, and the man in black turned to look at him, venom in his voice when he replied, "If you're in such a hurry, you could lower a rope, or a tree branch, or find something useful to do."

Grell shrugged. "Well, I could do that," he mused, "I have some rope up here. But I don't think you'll accept my help, see, because I am only waiting around to kill you~!"

"That does put a damper on our relationship," said the man in black, voice laced with sarcasm.

Grell, obviously not hearing the sarcasm, felt a thrill at the word 'relationship.' For although he had yet to meet the man face-to-face, he had an incredibly sexy voice.

"But," he teased, "I could always promise not to kill you until you reach the top!"

"That's very comforting," the man in black said matter-of-factly, "but I'm afraid you'll just have to wait."

"I hate waiting." Grell scowled, and turned away; racking his brain to think of ways the man in black might trust him. "What if I give you my word as a shinigami?"

"No good," the man in black sent back, struggle evident in his voice as he tried to climb another few feet. "I've known too many shinigami."

Grell raised his arms halfway. "Is there not any way you'll trust me?"

"Nothing comes to mind!"

The redhead blinked, then, in a very serious voice, said, "I swear on the soul of William T. Spears, you will reach the top alive."

Something about the way he said it made the man in black stop, and look up at him. There was pure sincerity in Grell golden-green eyes, visible even behind the fake lashes.

"Throw me the rope."

"Yay~!" Grell squealed, dashing to unwrap the rope from the rock. Once he had enough, he ran back to the cliffs edge and tossed it over.

The man in black caught it with one hand, and began deftly climbing it. Grell pitched in; pulling it up with all the strength he could muster.

Once the man in black made it over the edge, Grell grabbed his arm and made sure the other man was steady. "Thank you," said the man in black, once he gained his balance. He made to pull out his sword.

Grell held up a hand. "Wait, wait, wait until you are ready."

The man in black nodded. "Again, I thank you." He sat down on a boulder and began emptying his shoes of the little rocks inside them.

Grell fidgeted a little in his seat. He hated to ask such an attractive man this question, but... "Excuse me, I don't mean to pry, but you... you don't happen to have six fingers on your right hand?"

The man in black stopped what he was doing, and stared at Grell incredulously. "Do you always begin conversations this way?"

Grell looked down. "The love of my life was slaughtered by a six-fingered man."

The man in black raised his right hand, and wiggled his fingers – all five of them.

Grell nodded, and smiled, revealing a row of pearly white shark's teeth. "Will was a great shinigami, like me, who made amazing swords. When the six-fingered man came in and requested something special, he made this."

He held out the chainsaw, and the man in black took it, weighing it in his gloved hand. "I've never seen its equal."

"The six-fingered man returned and demanded it," Grell continued, taking it back. "With a tenth of his promised price. When Will refused, the six fingered man slashed him through the heart without a word."

Grell ran a hand through his hair. "I loved Will; so naturally, I challenged his killer to a duel. He won, of course, but he let me live. And he left me these." He ran a hand across his cheek, revealing a small, thin scar on each one.

The man in black was looking at him, eyes intense. "How old were you?"

Grell shrugged, "Young. Since then, I dedicated my entire life to the study of swordplay." And hot men, he added in his head, but left that one quiet – it took away from the dramatics of his story.

"And when I see him again," he continued, "When I am strong enough, I will go up the six fingered man and say, 'Hello. My name is Grell Sutcliffe. You killed my lover. Prepare to die.'"

The man in black broke the spell by saying, in disbelief, "You've done nothing but study swordplay?"

Grell blushed, refusing to answer. "T-the study of swordplay is hard," he lied through his teeth, "and I have absolutely no clue where the six-fingered man is. I only work for Ash to pay the bills." Well, that part was true, at least.

"Well, I certainly hope you find him someday," the man in black said, getting to his feet and drawing his sword.

"You are ready, then?" Grell squeaked excitedly, jumping to his feet.

"Ready or not, you've been more than fair."

"You seem an attractive fellow," Grell teased, although a little sad that this would all be ending soon. "I hate to kill you."

"You seem an attractive fellow," the man in black answered, smirking a little. "I hate to die."

They tensed slightly, and Grell made the first move, swinging forward. The man in black blocked it easily. Then, he struck forward in return, and Grell parried it.

They smirked, eyes locked on each other for a second, then Grell pulled the chain on his weapon, and they began to fight.

**(A/N THIS FIGHT SCENE IS REALLY GONNA SUCK, BECAUSE I CAN'T WRITE FIGHTING, AND I DON'T OWN THE BOOK TO COPY FROM!) **

They fought for a minute, neither one getting anywhere, as they were both so skilled. As they backed up onto rocks, Grell spoke. "You are using Bonetti's defense against me, ah?"

"I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain," the man in black replied.

"Naturally," Grell continued, "You must expect me to attack with Cappaferro!"

"Naturally," the man in black smirked, but I find that Tybalt cancels out Cappaferro. Don't you?"

Grell struck forward, the chains coming dangerously close to the man in black's cheek, and he jumped down. "Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa!" He flipped over to behind where the man in black was now standing. "Which I have!"

They continued to fight, the man in black constantly pushing Grell back. "You are wonderful!" The ginger exclaimed.

"Thank you," the man in black replied. "I've worked hard to become so!"

"I admit it," Grell said, "you are better than I am!"

"Then why are you smiling?" the man in black asked, not missing a beat.

"Because I know something you don't know~!"

"Oh? And what is that?"

Grell grinned wildly. "I am not left-handed!"

He switched hands, and immediately the tides of the fight turned, Grell pushing back against his opponent with such skills, that the man in black was soon run up against the wall.

"You are amazing!" the man in black remarked, voice calm even as he was bodily pushed up against the crumbling edge of the cliff.

"I ought to be, after twenty years!" Grell replied triumphantly, already seeing this victory in his eyes.

"Well," the man in black said, "then there is something I ought to tell you."

"Oh?"

"I am not left-handed either," the man in black said simply.

Grabbing his sword with his right hand, the man in black pushed back Grell, and twisted the chainsaw out of his hands. Fear in his eyes for the first time, Grell escaped to where his weapon lay uselessly, picking it up. The man in black was upon him again before he had time to turn it on again.

"_Who are you_?" Grell screamed, fighting as hard as he possibly could.

"No one of consequence," The man in black replied, his voice still eerily calm.

"I must know!" Grell begged.

"Get used to disappointment!"

Epic action music played in the background, as the fight culminated to its climax. Finally, the man in black whipped his sword up beside Grell's cheek, cutting a bit of the hair, and causing him to lose focus. The chainsaw was knocked out of his hands.

He knelt to the ground, head lowered in defeat, as the man in black circled him, blade at his throat. "Kill me quickly. Please."

The man in black sighed. "I would sooner destroy a stained glass window, than a masterpiece such as yourself. However, since I can't have you following me either," he hit Grell over the head with the hilt of his sword. The redhead dropped in a dead faint.

The man in black bowed. "Please understand, I hold you in the highest respect."

And then he was off again.

**~OMAKE!~**

Ash gasped, as the figure of the man in black appeared over ridge of the hill. _"Inconceivable!"_

**A/N Whoo, lame fight sequence was lame.**

**Oh well. Did I make up for last chapters super-shortness? :D**

**And remember ladies and gents, reviews are the Advil to my cramps! DX**


	10. Sportsmanlike

**A/N Ah, we have reached chapter 10 at last! Woot! **

**Guys, I'm totally excited, this weekend I get to go to my Girl Guide District Camp! *dances on the spot* It's like, the funnest thing I've ever done, I go every single year. And this year our theme is Harry Potter, so we get to do A Very Potter Musical for entertainment! AND I GET TO BE DRACO MALFOY!**

**Ahh, I'm gonna have fun. But while I'm off having a great time, please enjoy this piece of entertainment I have prepared for you~~**

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT CLAIM TO OWN ANYTHING BUT THE MASTERPIECE BELOW**

_Chapter Ten – Sportsmanlike_

Ash gasped, as the figure of the man in black appeared over ridge of the hill. _"Inconceivable!"_

Agni glanced his way, head cocked at an odd angle. "I think Grell is right," he said thoughtfully. "That word doesn't mean what you think it does..."

Ash turned on him, anger making his face whiter than ever. "Am I going crazy," he hissed, "or did the word _think_ escape from your lips!" He lashed out. "You were not hired for your ability to think! Moron!"

"So what do we do now?" Soma fretted. The man in black was steadily getting closer and closer. Ash was quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he pointed at Agni.

"You."

"Me?"

"Yes. I'll take the princess; you stay here and hide behind that rock. When he comes around, kill him your way."

"Okay." Agni stopped. "Uh, Ash? What's my way again?"

Ash walked over to him, and said very, very slowly, "Pick up a rock, hide behind that boulder, and when he comes into sight, HIT HIM WITH THE ROCK!" He stomped off angrily.

"Ohhh," A light of understanding came over Agni's face as Ash stomped away, a screaming and struggling Ciel in his arms. He turned to Soma with a thoughtful look in his eyes. "My way is not very sportsman-like."

But nevertheless, he picked up a rock, and both he and Soma hid behind a boulder.

The man in black ran heroically around a corner. Soma gave a squeal and dived behind Agni, trying to hide from the man's soul-stealing red eyes.

He slowed as he turned the corner, warily, as though he suspected something was about to go down. And it was a very good thing he did, because nanoseconds later, a rock came flying out of nowhere and smashed into the ground beside him.

He whipped around, pulling his sword out. Agni stepped out from behind his boulder, and the man in black tensed visibly. "I could have killed you, if I wanted to," he said amiably.

"I believe you," said the man in black, equally as friendly. "It begs the question, though, what do you want?"

"I want us to fight each other as God intended," Agni shrugged. "Sportsmanlike."

"You mean," the man in black gestured, "You'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?"

Agni raised the rock, with an amused look on his face. "I could kill you now."

The man in black nodded, lowering his sword. "Although," the man in black noted quietly, "I think the odds are slightly in your favour." Agni merely smiled calmly at him.

The man in black rushed forwards with all his strength, ready to begin wrestling with the other man. However, he ran straight into him, Agni not moving an inch. The man in black stifled a groan of pain. "Ow."

He tried again, attempting to lift the man off his feet. Agni raise his eyebrows, his feet remained rooted to the ground.

The man in black backed off, glaring at the other. "All right," he said tersely, "Are you actually fighting or just playing with me?"

Agni smiled, again. He did that a little too much for his character. "I just want you to feel you are doing well," he said kindly. "There is no honour in your death otherwise."

"Right," said the man in black. Agni made a move towards him, but he ducked, rolling under his legs.

"You are quick," said Agni appreciatively. "Why do you wear a mask? Are you hideously ugly underneath there?"

"Not in the slightest," replied the man in black, dodging a few punches thrown his way. "It's just, they're terribly comfortable. I think everyone will be wearing them in the future." He jumped up on a boulder, and onto Agni's back, latching his arms around the Indian's neck.

Agni swung his arms around wildly, attempting to get the man in black off. "It is so much harder fighting you, than the usual," he groaned, ramming his back against a huge boulder in an attempt to get the man in black off.

"Why is that," An out of breath masked man replied, "Do you think?"

"Well," said Agni, "I am so used to fighting big gangs of people. I haven't fought against one person in such a long time."

"Why should that make such a-" his breath was knocked out, as Agni slammed him against another boulder. "-difference..."

"You use different techniques," It was getting harder for Agni to breathe. His vision was beginning to have spots behind it. "When you are fighting twelve men," he fell to his knees, "than when you are fighting," he collapsed. "Just one."

The man in black pulled himself off, patting his Indian foe on the back. He wasn't dead, he decided, merely knocked out. It was a good way to leave him.

"I don't envy you the headache you will have when you awake." The man in black had once himself been subjected to it, but in the form of a hangover from drinking too much. "But, in the meantime, sleep well. And dream of..." His gaze wandered over to Soma, who was huddling fearfully in a corner. "Of purple-haired companions."

Then he was off, picking up his sword from the ground, as that odd music that always played whenever he was doing something heroic started up. He ran in the direction of the princess.

Said princess had had just about enough of being treated like a woman. He clawed at Ash's legs, attempting to get away. The pale man - who looked disturbingly like Byakuran, now that the authoress thinks about it – merely laughed it off.

"You'll never escape me, Princess!"

"I AM A MAN! STOP CALLING ME A GODDAMNED PRINCESS!"

**A/N Whoooo~~~**

**I guess I'll see y'all on Sunday, when I get home and read all the reviews~ Please drop by and leave one for me! After all, reviews are the Pigfarts to my RUMBLERROAR!**


	11. A Battle of Wits

**A/N **

**Life.**

**Disclaimer: I DIS to CLAIM it.**

_Chapter Eleven – A Battle of Wits_

Prince Alois reared in his horse, observing the area below him with great distaste. He dismounted, and made his way over to the ruins at the edge of the cliff. Careful not to disturb any of the dirt, he traced to footprints that had been left there.

"A mighty duel was fought here," he called over to Claude, "between two masters." His blue eyes scanned the ruins picking up footprints everywhere. "It ranged all over the place!"

"How did it end?" Count Claude asked in return, wrinkling his nose. Something over here smelled like sweaty teenage boys. Alois made a face at him.

"The loser ran off that way" he said, waving his arm in a vague direction. "But the winner," he added, "the one we want to follow, is going this way." He pointed to the way the man in black had gone.

"Should we pursue the loser?" the Count inquired.

Alois shook his head. "No, the loser doesn't matter. We need to follow the winner if we want to find the princess." He placed his hands on his hips and looked flamboyantly out at his guards. "This was obviously planned by warriors of Guilder!" he cried, with great gusto. "We must be extra careful!"

"Your Highness," Claude, said, as Alois clambered back on his horse, "do you think this could be a trap?"

"I always think everything is a trap," the prince replied, looking smug. "It's the reason I'm still alive." And they were off, chasing after the ones who had stolen his beloved – er – princess.

**xXx**

The man in black dashed over the ridge, never once breaking his pace. He stopped abruptly, as a certain sight hit him dead on.

The man all in white, Ash, was sitting beside Ciel on the grass, a large flat rock in front of them. Ciel was bound and gagged, and had a long slim dagger pointed at his throat. A long, slim dagger that was held in the pale hand of Ash.

"So," said Ash, raising a brow. "It is down to you, and down to me." He raised his glass and took a sip. The man in black edged forward, sword raised. Ash held up a hand. "if you wish him dead, then please, continue forward."

The man in black stopped short. "Let me explain," he said smoothly.

"There is nothing to explain!" Ash interrupted. "You are trying to kidnap what I have rightfully stolen!"

"Then perhaps," replied the man in black, moving forward again, "we can come to some... arrangement?"

"There will be no arrangement." Ash tightened his grip on Ciel's arm. "And you're killing him." A whimper arose from Ciel's throat, as the dagger pressed tighter.

The man in black paused again. "Then it seems we are at an impasse," he commented.

"Yes," Ash drawled, "much like the last chapter of Twilight."

The man in black made a face of disgust that mirrored Ciel's.

"You see," Ash continued, "I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains."

"You're that smart?" The man in black asked, crossing his arms.

"Let me put it this way," Ash replied, rolling his eyes. "Ever heard of Plato? Socrates? Aristotle? Yana Toboso?"

"Yes."

"Idiots." Ash murmured.

The man black now had his eyebrows raised so high, they were in danger of leaving his face. "In that case I challenge you to a battle of wits."

"For the princess?"

Nod.

"To the death?"

Nod.

"I accept." Smiling, he put his dagger away and folded his hands. The man in black approached, pulling out a small bottle from his clothes.

"Inhale this, but do not touch," he said, offering the vial to Ash as he sat down. Ash took it, gave it a whiff, and blinked.

"I smell nothing."

"What you do not smell is called iocaine powder." The man in black stated. "It is odourless, tasteless, dissolves instantly in water, and Is among the most deadly poisons known to man."

Ash smiled. "Shall I pour the wine?"

The man in black smirked. "You read my mind."

The wine was poured. The man in black took the goblets, and turned around, out of sight from Ash. When he returned them, he had a smug look on his face, and placed one in front of both Ash and himself.

"The battle of wits has begun," he proclaimed. "It ends when you decide and we both drink, and find out who is right, and who is dead."

"But it's so simple. All I have to do is divine what I know of you - are you the type man who puts the poison into his own goblet, or his enemy's?

"Now, a clever man would put the poison into his own goblet, because only a great fool would drink what was in front of him. I am not a great fool, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you must have known I was not a great fool – you would have counted on it! – so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

"You've made your decision, then?"

"Not remotely! Because iocaine comes from Australia, as everyone knows! And Australia is entirely peopled with criminals! And criminals are used to having people not trust them, as you are not trusted by me, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you."

"Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."

"Wait until I get going! ... where was I?"

"Australia."

"Yes, Australia! And you must have suspected that I would have known the powders origins, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me."

"You're just stalling now."

"You'd like to think that, wouldn't you? You beaten my Indian, which means you're exceptionally strong, so you may have put the poison into your own goblet trusting on your strength to save you, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you. But you've also bested my swordsman, which means you must have studied, and in studying you must have learned that man is mortal, and would have wanted the poison as far away from yourself as possible, so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of me!"

"You're trying to trick me into giving away something. It won't work."

"It already has worked! You've given everything away, I know where the poison is!"

"Then make your choice."

"I will! And I choose-" he gasped, and pointed. "What in the world can that be?"

The man in black turned to look, and quick as a flash, Ash switched their goblets. When he turned back, he saw only Ash with a devious smirk on his face. "I don't see anything."

"Oh," Ash shrugged. "I could have sworn I saw something... but never mind. Come let us drink." He chuckled to himself.

The man in black narrowed his eyes. "What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing." He snickered. "I'll tell you in a minute. Now." He raised his glass to his lips, and drank.

The man in black drained his glass, and set it down. "You guessed wrong."

"You only think I guessed wrong, that's what's so funny!" Ash exploded. "I switched glasses when your back was turned, haha, you fool! You fell victim to one of the most classic blunders! The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia, but only slightly less well-known is this! _Never go in against an angel when death is on the line!_ AHAHAHAHA-"

And he fell over dead.

The man in black watched him in amusement for a moment, then went to gountie Ciel. As the gag fell from his mouth, Ciel coughed. "To think," he said, clearing his throat, that all that time the poison was in your goblet."

"There was poison in both goblets," the man in black said, as he pulled Ciel to his feet. "I spent the last three years building up immunity to iocaine powder."

"I see," Ciel murmured. Then, without warning, he turned and bolted in the other direction.

"Shit," said the man in black and chased after him.

**A/N Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line. It can only end in tragedy.**

**Reviews make life a little better :)**


	12. Reunion

**A/N Whoooo~ Sorry for the later than planned update, everyone. It completely slipped my mind to mention – I went surfing for the first time last weekend! And I came home feeling so sore everywhere – professional surfer definitely isn't going on my college application, lawl.**

**Anyways, I feel like such a derp face for forgetting about it. I'M SORRY! DX I'm just such a naturally forgetful person!**

**Disclaimer: They once told me how I could own it, but then I forgot about it. BECAUSE I FORGET THINGS DX**

_Chapter Twelve – Reunited At Last_

Prince Alois studied the ground with great care. "Someone has beaten a giant." He stood slowly, a dark aura seeping from his form. "There will be great suffering in Guilder if he dies," the prince seethed. Then he jumped on his horse, and continued on the path.

"How does he even know that someone fought a giant?" One of the guardsmen whispered behind his hand. Another shrugged back at him. Prince Alois had magic tracking powers, after all.

**xXx**

"Put me down this instant! I command you!"

Ciel pounded fruitlessly at the man in black's back. The tall figure seemed not to even notice, patting his prey as he hung limply over his shoulder. "Resistance is futile."

But his back seemed to hurt enough that he lifted Ciel up, and sat his on the ground. Angrily, the young man got to his feet and dusted himself off. "Dammit," he mumbled. "All right, look, if you release me, whatever you want in ransom, you'll get it! I promise!"

The man in black raised his eyebrows from behind the mask. "And what is that worth, your promise? You're very funny, Highness."

Ciel glared. "I was giving you a warning! Prince Alois is the greatest hunter in all of Florin." He stood up, and walked over to send his death-glare straight into the man in black's soul. "He can track a falcon on a cloudy day, he can _find you_."

The man in black, however, seemed unfazed by the sinister aura before him. "So, you think your dearest love will come save you?"

For a moment, Ciel lost his composure, a look of disgust crossing his face. "I never said he was my dearest love!" He shook his head. "And yes, he will save me. That I know."

The man in black walked in a slow circle around Ciel. "So you admit, you do not love the Prince," he mused, stroking his chin.

Ciel lowered his eyes. "He knows I do not love him."

"Are not capable of love is more like it!" The man in black replied sharply, the first time he had revealed any kind of emotion. Ciel's gaze snapped upward.

"I have loved more deeply than a killer like yourself could ever dream!"

He flinched, as the man in black raised a gloved hand to smack him. He lowered it, but when he spoke, it was a voice filled with emotion Ciel could never have put a name to. "That was a warning, Highness. Next time, my hand flies on its own, for where I come from, there are penalties when someone lies."

And he picked up Ciel yet again, and slung him over his shoulder, and began to yet again race across the high ridges.

**xXx**

The blond prince sniffed the now empty bottle with great disdain. "Iocaine," he announced, "I bet my life on it!" He looked around, and pointed off into the horizon. "And there are the princess's footprints. She is alive, or was, an hour ago." He stood yet again, turning to face his enraptured audience, he growled, "If she is anything but when I find her, I shall be very put out."

The guardsmen shivered in awe at their heroic prince, who leapt back onto his horse (geez, his butt must be so sore by now) and took off to follow the faint footprints in the ground.

**xXx**

The man in black threw Ciel on the ground again, quickly adjusting his mask. Ciel coughed, and struggled to stand up. "I know who you are," he rasped. "Your cruelty reveals all! You're the Dread Pirate Michaelis, admit it!"

The man in black – Michaelis, he was now – bowed. "With pride," he said casually. "What may I do for you?"

Ciel narrowed his eye. "You can die slowly, cut into a thousand pieces."

Michaelis shook his head and clicked his tongue. "That was rude, Highness. Tell me, why do you hate me so?"

Ciel stared at him steadily. "You killed my love," he said softly, as though only just coming to the realization that yes, he was standing in front of the man who had ripped apart everything.

Michaelis shrugged. "It's possible," he said. "I've killed a lot of people. Tell me about this love of yours," he said, walking around to sit on a boulder opposite. "Was he a prince, just like this one? Ugly, scabby, rich?"

"No." Ciel looked over his shoulder. "He was a butler. Poor." His voice lowered to an almost whisper. "Poor and perfect. With eyes like the fire of a thousand suns." His gaze wandered, to stare off into the distance. Suddenly, he looked back speaking with more malice than ever before. "On the high seas, your ship attacked. And the Dread Pirate Michaelis never takes prisoners."

Michaelis shrugged again. "Can't afford to make exceptions," he reasoned, lounging back. "Once word gets out you've gone soft, people start to disobey you and then it's nothing but work, work, work all the time!"

"You mock my pain!" Ciel cried. Tears shone in his eyes.

"Life is pain, Highness," Michaelis said hardly. "Anyone who says otherwise is selling something."

Ciel looked away, biting his lip in an effort to restore what little composure he had left. The look in Michaelis' eyes softened just a little, and he stood up to make his way over to where the young man was sitting. "I think I remember this butler of yours," he said. "This would have been, what, three years ago?"

Ciel said nothing. Michaelis leaned down closer. "Does it bother you to hear?" He said quietly.

"Nothing you can say will affect me," Ciel said, refusing to meet the taller man's eyes. He straightened again, and continued.

"He died well, that should please you," he said. "No bribe attempts or blubbering. He simply said 'Please. Please, I need to live.'" He turned to face Ciel again. "It was the please that caught me. I asked him what was so important, why he needed to live. 'True love,' he replied."

Michaelis once again moved closer to Ciel, his voice losing its soft quality and becoming harsh and cold. "And then he spoke of a boy, of unwavering beauty and faithfulness, I can only assume he meant you. Tell me, did you run straight off to your prince right away or did you wait a whole three weeks out of respect for the dead?"

Ciel stood up straight, facing Michaelis. Tears spilled over and poured down his cheeks, as he grabbed the man by his shirt. "You mocked me once, never do it again!" he roared. "_I died that day!_"

At that moment, the sound of horses whinnying caught both of their attentions. Michaelis narrowed his eyes, spying the prince among all of them. Ciel, seeing his chance, made his move at last.

"You can die too, for all I care," he muttered, and shoved Michaelis down the rather steep hill they were standing at the top of.

He felt an immense amount of satisfaction as he watched the black figure tumble down the slope. But as it spun and flailed, three words echoed back up to him, carried by the breeze. "Yes... My... Lord..."

Suddenly the whole world started to spin for Ciel. He recalled the voice that had spoken to him earlier, and the eyes, the red orbs that burned out from behind the mask. And a realization hit him like a sucker punch to the gut.

"Oh, my dear Sebastian," he breathed. "Oh, what have I done?"

And he threw himself of the top of the hill to follow.

**A/N DUN DUN DUNNNN! The true reunion scene, as well as the lovely Fire Swamp, are featured next chapter.**

**So I figured out why I forget things all the time. It's because my whole brain has been taking up MEMORIZING THIS GODDAMNED BOOK/MOVIE! And those ten other movies that I know off by heart, too. I really have no life, T_T**

**Anyone wanna review? They are the SESSHOMARU-SAMAAAA to my Jaken~**


	13. Is It Getting Hot In Here no, just me

**A/N IMMA FIRIN MA LAZER BLLAAAAAAARGGHHHHHHHHH**

**I seriously want to do that to some people right now. Grr. It's so nice to know that I have all these wonderful amazing people here who read my story, you all make me feel so loved~~~ HEARTS TO ALL**

**So... ahem...**

**This chapter is pretty much a deleted scene from both the book and the movie, but one I included NOT because I need to work on my kissing scenes *shifty eyes* but because I feel everyone was sorely robbed of it. William Goldman stated, in one of his authors notes, that he felt the couple needed a bit of privacy – don't we all? – but see, I have no problem with giving them no privacy, because I am a fangirl.**

**So, in other words, enjoy this purely unneeded fluffy/sexy racy kissing scene that made me change the rating~ THIS ONE IS FOR ALL MY BELOVED READERS/REVIEWERS**

**Disclaimer: I'm too lazy to think of anything original to put here.**

_Chapter Thirteen – Is It Getting Hot In Here?...no it's just me_

The world spun around him, making insane shapes and colours whirl into one great melting pot of light. He could feel his body hitting sharp rocks in the ground, and he knew it was supposed to hurt like hell, but for some reason, none of that registered in his brain. The only thing he could think was "_Sebastian._"

How could he have not known? How could he have not seen it? _Even with a mask on_, Ciel roared to himself furiously, _you should have been able to recognize the face of your one true love, git. And now look at the situation you've got yourself into. In fact, I'll be surprised if you make it out alive._

Suddenly, everything came to a halt. Blinking rapidly, Ciel was surprised to find that he was not dead, no he was very much alive, and the reason for this was he had landed on something soft.

Something that felt suspiciously like Sebastian.

A groan came from underneath him, followed by a "Young Master, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you please get off?"

Ciel yelped, and rolled away from him. Instinct overcame sense, and he picked up the nearest object he could find and chucked it at his former butler's head.

"You bastard!" He exploded. "Why didn't you tell me it was you?"

Sebastian, now completely free of his mask, rubbed his head where it had been attacked. Ciel was startled and embarrassed to realize that his face was bruised, and blushed ashamedly. But – that didn't mean he completely let go of his tsundere tendencies.

"Well? I'm waiting for an answer!"

Sebastian laughed gently. "Young Master, are you hurt? Can you move?"

The kindness of the question, the sweet, calming look in Sebastian's eyes, it was all too much for poor Ciel to take. "Move?" he gasped. "Move? You're alive!" A blush spread across his cheeks, as he shouted, "If I wanted to, I could fly!"

And indeed he flew, right into Sebastian's arms, where he was cradled and pulled into a tight embrace, and it felt so good, so _right_, to be back in those arms, that just maybe he let a few tears escape.

"I told you I would always come for you," Sebastian whispered, his voice a caress to Ciel's ears. "Why didn't you wait for me?"

Ciel pulled back, glaring at him from underneath his glowing face. "Well, you were dead," he pouted.

Sebastian merely shook his head. "Death cannot stop true love," he murmured, stroking Ciel's cheek. "It can only delay it for some time."

Ciel felt his lips twist into a smile of their own accord. "Then I will never doubt again," he declared, leaning forward and resting his forehead on the older man's. He smiled in return.

"There will never be a need."

They moved together simultaneously, lips connecting with an almighty crash. Five years was just too long to spend apart.

Ciel melted, feeling his face cradled by masterful hands, that wonderful tongue roving it's way around his mouth, those wonderful lips moving on his. He wrapped his arms behind Sebastian, clutching the fabric of his shirt, doing anything and everything he could just to bring them closer.

They barely had a need for air. Who thought about air, at a time like this? Ciel couldn't have cared less, but when Sebastian moved those lips down to his neck, he felt himself gasping. Sharp, sweet pain filled him to the brim, as those perfect white teeth bit and nipped and teased at the skin, bruising it oh so easily. He wasn't close enough yet. He slipped his legs around Sebastian's waist, groaning in absolute ecstasy as he pushed him to the ground and began kissing him even more fiercely that before.

Slipping his hands under Sebastian's shirt, Ciel revelled in the way those hard muscles felt under his hot skin. The idea that that body belonged to him, and that he had it all to himself, made him so uncharacteristically happy that he stretched his leg out, pointing his toe in the air.

His happiness took a sudden downturn, as a wave of unexplained sadness overcame him. Mutely, he slipped his hands out from under Sebastian's shirt and looked away.

The raven-haired man pulled back, looking happy but confused into the face of his beloved. Ciel hummed, reaching up and tucking a stray hair behind his ear. "I love you," whispered, and as his voice cracked he realized with a start that he was crying. Sebastian's eyes widened.

"Young Master," he said softly, wiping the tears away from Ciel's eyes, "What is it? Why are you sad?"

Ciel sniffed. "Because I..." he hiccupped. "I needed you!" He shouted suddenly, more tears flowing. "Damnit, Sebastian, I needed you, and you were gone..." he wiped his eyes furiously. "I love you so much it hurts, and I missed you so damned much..."

Sebastian closed his eyes. "I apologize," he murmured. "I never meant to be away from you for so long. It hurt me too." He opened them, and Ciel almost shivered at the intensity in them. "But I am here now. And I can promise you I will never leave again."

Ciel leaned his face into the other man's neck. "Promise?" he asked quietly, his lips moving against the skin. Was that his imagination, or did Sebastian just shiver?

"Yes, my Lord," he growled back huskily, and before Ciel could say or do anything, he had been pushed back onto the ground harder than before, and Sebastian was ravaging the inside of his mouth like never before. Ciel nearly screamed, it felt so insane, and he arced his back, their kisses becoming sloppy, barely even caring where lips and tongues were as long as they were touching somehow. Sebastian's breath was ragged, and the sound made Ciel shudder with pleasure.

He moaned weakly as hands found their way under his shirt, fingers stroking against his chest in a way that made him writhe. He slipped his own hands to Sebastian's back, fingernails biting into the skin. Never, never in his life, had he wanted something more than he wanted this man right here, right now.

This might have explained the whine that escaped his lips when Sebastian pulled back. "Kiss me more, damnit," he groaned, closing his eyes. "I command you."

"I... I can't." Sebastian turned away, anything to avoid that teasing look Ciel was giving him. "Young Master, I..."

"What?" Ciel sat up abruptly. Sebastian sat back a little, refusing to look him in the eyes. "Why not?"

"If I..." he heaved a deep breath. "If I keep going now, I won't be able to stop myself."

"And what is wrong with that!" Ciel exclaimed. "In fact, I would really be very pleased if you weren't able to stop yourself." Yes, because the thought of Sebastian taking him right here on the grass and ripping his clothes off with his teeth was making him feel very, very happy indeed-

"I want to," Sebastian groaned, "Young Master, You have no idea how much I want to. But," and here he glanced up at the sky, "If we stay here any longer, we may be caught, and then where would we be?"

Ciel groaned, and pit his face in his hands. He was right, of course, that bastard. "Fine, then," he grumbled. "Let's go."

They both glanced up at the ridge they had fallen from, then back to each other, then back at the ridge. Sebastian raised an eyebrow. Ciel smirked.

"Five more minutes."

"Your wish is my command!"

Ciel squealed as Sebastian pounced on him, and they tumbled over backwards.

**A/N Eh... heh heh...**

**Why is it that I am so incredibly addicted to the idea of Ciel and Sebastian's relationship being like that of a teenage girl and her super-hot college boyfriend? You know, all hot and sexy but still fun and filled with reckless abandon at the same time? Am I just weird?**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed that little scene and that I didn't fail too badly. But, maybe a review would be nice? Because reviews are the derp to my face? 8D**


	14. The Three Terrors of the Fire Swamp

**A/N SOOO, stupid website doesn't want me to reply to anyone's review. I sincerely hope it goes away soon, because I like letting y'all know how much I love ya~**

**So apparently my sexy yaoi scene was well received. And that makes me very happy~ I was really hoping to get the next chapter out sooner, but fate intervened and I went to this student film festival that lasted for FOUR FREAKING DAYS, and I barely slept at all, and it was only yesterday that I started getting my mojo back. I WAS THAT EXHAUSTED.**

**But it's all a-okay now. So, without further ado, I present to you the next chapter! :D**

**Disclaimer: It was my birthday last Monday, so as a present I received Kuroshitsuji AND The Princess Bride. However, fate was a bitch and took it away from me. So I was left with nothing.**

_Chapter Fourteen – The Three Terrors of the Fire Swamp_

Sebastian and Ciel raced along the ravine floor. The sounds of horses in the distance made them stop, and turn to look back. Standing at the top of the ravine, they could see the dim outline of Alois in the sunlight. Ciel gasped, but Sebastian did not seem concerned.

"Your fiancée is too late!" He crowed. "Just a few more steps, and we'll be safe in the fire swamp!"

"We'll never survive," Ciel observed matter-of-factly, as Sebastian grabbed his hand again and pulled him along.

"Nonsense, Young Master," Sebastian replied good-naturedly. "You're only saying that because no one ever has!"

Inside the Fire Swamp, things could not have been any worse. The entire place gave off a frightening aura, enough to make Ciel shiver and cling harder to Sebastian. N-not that he was afraid, or anything! It was just the smell! Yes, the gassy smell that made him nauseous! That was why!

And of course, it was also the smell that made him jump a mile when a strange noise cut through the air.

Sebastian chuckled at Ciel's reaction. "It's not that bad, really." Ciel looked at him incredulously. "Not saying that I want to build a summer home here or anything, but the trees are really lovely!" He smiled at the scenery. Ciel continued to stare.

Sebastian shot him a knowing look, then continued on his way.

And really, the only thing keeping Ciel from screaming in fright was the warm, strong fingers wrapped around his own.

As they crept across the forest floor, a strange sort of popping noise seemed to come from the ground. Ciel looked at Sebastian questioningly, but the butler only shrugged in reply, indicating that he had absolutely no idea what the hell it was, either.

They continued along, until all of a sudden, out of the ground, a spurt of flame shot out, catching the hem of Ciel's shirt. He shrieked and panicked, but Sebastian remained calm, and extinguished the fire almost instantly. Ciel was breathing heavily, and he looked amused.

"Well, now, that was an adventure wasn't it?"

Ciel glared at the smug look in his eyes. He probably thought he had been scared, that bastard. Well, he'd show him. "Singed a bit?"

Sebastian shook his head lightly. "You?" Ciel shook his in reply. Smiling (oh, Sebastian had simply the most gorgeous smile in the world, Ciel melted a little whenever he saw it) he pulled the smaller boy up beside him, and they started walking again.

It wasn't long before they heard the strange popping noise again – but this time, instead of getting hit by the fire spurt, Sebastian grabbed Ciel and twirled him out of the way.

Sebastian raised his eyebrows at Ciel. "Well, one thing is for sure," he stated lightly. "The fire swamp certainly keeps you on your toes."

Ciel merely shook his head and pulled Sebastian along further.

As they moved deeper into the swamp, the brush became thicker, and Sebastian pulled out his sword to cut through them. Ciel was feeling less and less confident by the minute. Sebastian noticed this, and began to speak to reassure him. "Don't worry, Young Master," he squeezed Ciel's hand. "Soon this will all be but a happy, memory, as we will be safe on the ship _Revenge_, which as I'm sure you know is my ship, as I am the Dread Pirate Michaelis."

"How is that possible, anyways?" Ciel wondered, for the strangeness of the situation had suddenly occurred to him. "He has been marauding for twenty years, and you only left five years ago. Plus, you look so young, you could have only been five when you started?"

Sebastian chuckled. "I am often surprised at the curveballs life throws us," he replied affectionately, once again, lifting Ciel out of harm's way from a fire spurt. "You see, everything I told you before about saying 'please' was true." He chopped another vine from out of their way. "It intrigued Michaelis; it seemed he had a soft spot for romance. So finally he said, 'All right, Sebastian, I've never had a butler before, so I'll try it out with you. But I warn you, I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

"For three years, it went on like that, 'Good night, sleep well, I'll most likely kill you in the morning.' It was a very good time for me; although I thought about you every day, I was learning how to fence, how to fight, anything anyone would teach me that I didn't already know. And then, one day, it happened."

"What?" Ciel was hanging on to his every word. "Don't just leave me hanging, continue!"

"Well, Michaelis had grown so rich that he wanted to retire! So he pulled me into his cabin one night, and told me a secret." Sebastian lifted Ciel, carrying him bridal style. Their faces were so close. Their noses almost touched. " 'I am not the Dread Pirate Michaelis,' he said. 'My name is Arthur. I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Michaelis, just as you will inherit it from me.

" 'The man I inherited it from was not the Dread Pirate Michaelis, either. His name was Luffy. The real Michaelis is happily married, and been retired for nearly fifteen years and living like a king in Brazil.' Then he explained that the name is the important thing when you want to be a pirate. For example, no one would ever quake in fear of the Dread Pirate Sebastian, now would they?

"So, we sailed ashore, and got an entire new crew, and Arthur went around as my first mate, calling me Michaelis. And once the crew believed it, he left the ship, and I have been Michaelis ever since." He set Ciel down, and smiled. "Only now that we're together, I shall retire and hand the name over to someone else." He stopped at the slightly dazed look on Ciel's face. "Does everything make sense to you?"

Ciel nodded slowly, still looking a little lost. He turned to continue walking, and promptly fell into a sand pit.

Sebastian's eyes widened, and for a moment he stared at the small circle of sand, as though not believing it had just swallowed Ciel whole. However, he soon realized that staring did him no good, so he grabbed a vine hanging from a nearby tree and dived in after him.

The sand pit really was a sand pit. Even though his eyes were closed, small pieces of the grit wormed their way under his eyelids, stinging at the eyeballs. He was careful not to open his mouth, as that would mean instant death, and prayed Ciel was smart enough to do the same.

If any normal person had attempted this feat – rescuing someone from quicksand, they would have immediately perished. But we all know Sebastian is no ordinary man, and it only took him a minute to grab hold of the familiar tiny wrist he knew in an instant was Ciel's. And he began the perilous upward swim.

If he hadn't had the vine, even Sebastian would have died.

But, praise all, Sebastian was a very smart man, and within seconds his hand breached the surface.

With all his strength, he shoved Ciel out above him, and soon followed suit. Their gasping could have wakened the dead, as they collapsed on solid ground. Ciel coughed and puttered like a madman, rubbing furiously at his eyes to get all the sand out.

It was a good five minutes before either of them was able to talk. But when they could, the first words out of Sebastian's mouth were, "Young Master, are you alright?"

Ciel coughed again. "I'll live," he rasped.

Sebastian felt relief blooming across his face, although he attempted to mask it. Not before Ciel saw, though. He allowed a tiny smile to grace his lips. "Why? Were you worried?"

"About you? Never," Sebastian replied, helping Ciel to his feet. "I know you can take care of yourself."

Lies. All lies.

He pulled Ciel into a tight embrace, pressing his face into his chest in pure relief. But through his haze, a stroke of fear shot through him.

Staring at him, from a tree in the background, was a very large, very scary looking mole-rat-rodent-dear-Jesus-save-me looking creature.

He gulped, and then moved to pull Ciel forward. "Come, let's keep moving."

But Ciel shook his head, pulling back. "We'll never succeed!" he cried, his pessimistic nature breaking through. "We may as well give up here!"

Sebastian, refusing to look at the rat-scary-ass-_things_ and give them away to Ciel, took the younger boys face in his hands. "Nonsense," he said gently. We have already succeeded."

Ciel looked at him in despair.

"I mean," he said, beginning to walk, and pull Ciel forward with him, "What are the three terrors of the Fire Swamp? One; the fire spurts." He smiled at Ciel, who was starting to look a little less pale. "And those were absolutely no problem, were they? Two; the lightning sand," and here he twisted around and pulled Ciel into his arms, "which you were so clever enough to discover. So I doubt we'll have that problem again in the future."

"Sebastian!" Ciel tugged on his arm to make him stop talking. "What about the R.O.U.S.s?"

"Rodents Of Unusual Size?" Sebastian shrugged. "Personally, I don't think they exist."

It was, of course, right here that one just had to jump forward and attack him.

...

"_AAAAAAHHH!"_

**A/N Run, little children! Beware the R.O.U.S! **

**But seriously, those things are messed up. So damn scary... I was right terrified of them as a child, haha...**

**Um, sorry this took so long, by the way. I really hate making y'all wait, it makes me feel bad. But I do my best. **

**Reviews are the April to my October :3**

_**RASMUS FTW~~~**_


	15. Surrender? DEATH FIRST

**A/N Hi.**

**...**

**:)**

**I DON'T WANNA TALK ABOUT IT. DX**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the things I purchase for myself. Neither of which is Kuro OR The Princess Bride. Meh.**

_Chapter Fifteen: Surrender? DEATH FIRST_

Ciel stared in silent horror as one of the beasts mauled Sebastian. He would have gone in to fight, but these things were almost twice the size as he was, and personally, he didn't fancy suicide.

Sebastian growled as he fought against the horrid monster, grabbing its jaws with his hands to prevent them from ripping his arms off. They rolled across the ground, and for a moment, Sebastian let his guard down. The rodent seized its chance, and bit deep into his arm, drawing blood. He roared in pain, and punched the rodent square in the face. It rolled away feebly.

Sebastian moved to grab his sword, but before his fingers could reach it, the rodent jumped on him again, and Sebastian had to convert his full attention to keeping its teeth away from his face.

After a momentary struggle, Sebastian succeeded in kicking the monster off him; he made a dash for his sword, but a panicked cry shot through the air and stopped him.

The monster was barrelling straight toward Ciel, who looked simply paralyzed with fear. Without hesitation, Sebastian switched directions and threw himself at the rodent, tackling it to the ground and effectively stopping it from harming Ciel.

Seemingly snapped out of his trance, Ciel grabbed the nearest branch he could find and proceeded to whack the rodent in the head. This, however, did not get the desired result, as it only got angrier and attacked Sebastian, gnawing on his shoulder.

Ciel watched helplessly as his lover screamed in pain, ears barely registering the faint popping noise coming from the ground. Sebastian, however, gritted his teeth, and rolled over; so that when the fire came out of the ground, it spurted all over the rodent's back. It squealed and released the hold on Sebastian.

Stumbling slightly, he got to his feet, and snatched the sword up from the ground. As the rodent feebly crawled towards him, he hoisted the sword above his head and ran it clean through. It whimpered once, before falling over dead.

Ciel stared at Sebastian, a bead of sweat running down his face. Shirt tattered and hanging from his shoulder, he turned to look at him, a tired look in his dull red eyes.

Without a word, Ciel stepped forward and pressed his forehead into Sebastian's chest.

"Thank you."

**xXx**

As the last rays of sunshine fell over the mountains, illuminating the world in a golden glow, the two stumbled out of the forest, feeling the warmth of the setting sun caress their cheeks. The trees had thinned, and before them lay a pristine lake.

Ciel leaned against Sebastian. "We did it," he said softly. Sebastian turned to him, smiling slightly.

"Now, was that so terrible?"

Ciel glanced at his bleeding, wrecked shoulder, the back up to his eyes, raising an eyebrow. Sebastian chuckled, and leaned forward to kiss him.

The moment would have been perfect, had it not been for the obnoxious horse whinnying and clomping as it galloped into the clearing.

Sebastian moved protectively in front of Ciel, drawing his sword. From atop the foremost horse, Prince Alois stood, in all his radiant glory. He sneered down at the two of them.

"Surrender."

Sebastian didn't miss a beat. "You mean you wish to surrender to us? Very well. I accept."

"Don't be cute," Alois growled. "I commend you for your bravery, don't turn it into foolishness."

"Ah, but you forget," Sebastian taunted, "we know the secrets of the fire swamp, and can live there quite happily for some time, so whenever you feel like dying-"

Something behind a bush rustled, and Ciel turned to look. Several archers knelt in the woods behind them, all ready to fire at a moment's notice. He tensed, eyes widening.

"I shall tell you only one more time – surrender!"

"It will never happen!"

"Surrender!"

"_Death first!"_

"Will you promise not to hurt him?" Ciel cried.

Alois turned to Ciel with a question in his eyes. "What was that?"

Sebastian turned to him also. "What was that?"

Ciel walked in between the two men, staring straight at Alois, not looking at Sebastian. "If we surrender," he said, "and I go with you, will you promise not to hurt this man?"

Alois raised his right hand. "May I live a thousand years and never hunt again," he said. "Scout's honour."

Ciel continued on. "He is a sailor, on the pirate ship _Revenge_. Promise to return him to his ship."

"I swear it will be done." Alois signalled to his soldiers, who moved out from behind the trees. He turned his head to Count Claude, and murmured aside, "Once we get back to Florin, throw him in the Zoo of Death. Fifth floor."

Claude raised a thin eyebrow. "Yes, your Highness."

Meanwhile, Sebastian was looking at Ciel, a hurt look in his eyes. Ciel steeled himself to look at the, for not even he was impervious to the kicked puppy look.

"I thought you died once, and it almost destroyed me," Ciel murmured. "I couldn't bear to have you die again. Not when I could save you."

He didn't say anything. Ciel reached out and stroked a hand along his cheek, but before he could say anything more, a soldier rode by and picked him up. Alois followed close behind.

Sebastian watched them go, the look in his eyes one so out-of-character, it bothered Claude. So he spoke up to clear the silence. "Come, sir," he said politely, "we must get you to your ship."

He finally turned to look at him, and the sad, forlorn look was gone, replaced by one of dry amusement. "We are men of action," he said lightly. "Lies do not become us."

Claude raised an eyebrow, nodding at the guards. They moved towards him to handcuff him. As he was being bound, Sebastian noticed something odd on the Count's hand. Namely, an extra finger.

"You have six fingers on your right hand," he pointed out lightly. "I have a friend who's looking for you."

Claude's face contorted into one of rage, and he slammed the hilt of his sword down on Sebastian's head, knocking him out cold.

"Put him in the Zoo of Death. Fifth level."

**A/N YES CLAUDE HAS SIX FINGERS. DEAL WITH IT. *slips on shades***

**I can't believe Alois called it the Zoo of Death. I mean, that boy has no originality. Kinda like me! D:**

**Review? They are the... derp to my derpette. :D**


	16. Nightmares

**A/N OMFG I AM SO SO SOOOOO SORRY. HIATUS WENT ON WAAY LONGER THAN EXPECTED.**

**Seriously. I don't know what it is about summer, but it just makes me want to laze around and do absolutely nothing productive. Which is exactly what I did the whole summer. NOTHING WAS ACCOMPLISHED, I AM A COUCH POTATO.**

**On a different note, The Kuroshitsuji English dub wins at everything. I don't even care what you say, I fucking love it. J Michael Tatum = OMFG.**

**Disclaimer: I DON'T DESERVE EITHER OF THEM D:**

**Warning: There is a guest appearance from someone from another anime in this chapter. If you can guess who he is and why I'm using him, you get free cookies~**

_Chapter Sixteen – Nightmares_

The door swung open, creaking on its hinges. Gilbert winced slightly; he was trying to be as quiet as possible. This was an incredibly hard thing for someone like Gilbert to do; he was a very loud person by nature. Coming down the stairs, he tripped and half stumbled, half flew down the steps.

Despite the ruckus he made, the patient on the table did not stir. Gilbert heaved a sigh of relief. He hated working this job, but when you were born an albino, the job you were given was guaranteed to be creepy. And when a freaking prince offers you a job with a heavy sum to do nothing but basically be creepy as hell, how could you say no?

He moved to the man on the table, looking over his shoulder wound. "Ouch. That does not look awesome." The man was shirtless, his skin almost as pale as Gilbert's; whether that was his natural pallor or just loss of blood was yet to be seen.

He dabbed a thin cloth into a bowl of water and began wiping away the blood. With a wince, the man on the table woke up. Gilbert started when he saw the man had red eyes, just like his own.

The man looked around, confused. He finally caught sight of the albino, and asked him sharply, "Where am I?"

Gilbert grinned at him. "The Zoo of Death," he said in his trademark rasp. "Don't even think about trying to escape. The chains are way too thick."

Sebastian started to speak, but Gilbert interrupted him. "And no one is going to rescue you, either. The way in here is secret; only the Prince, the Count, and I know to way in."

The dark-haired man looked down at his bloody shoulder, which was still being carefully wiped by Gilbert. "Then why bother curing me?"

The albino shrugged, looking almost amused. "The Count said he wants you in perfect condition," he answered. "So that when he breaks you it'll be all the more satisfying."

Sebastian sucked in a breath quietly. "So it's to be torture, then?" He looked at the ceiling, seeming to steady himself, and then back at Gilbert. "I can deal with torture."

Red eyes met red. "Not like this one, you can't."

And for just about the first time in his life, a small coil of fear began worming its way around Sebastian's gut.

**xXx**

Ciel wandered the halls of the palace, fingering his new blue suit with care. Without even looking up, he continued to meander, muttering incoherently under his breath. He passed Alois and Claude on the way, but didn't even register their presence.

Alois sighed, looking down the hall after him. "He's been like that ever since we left the Fire Swamp," he said, annoyed. At the Count's questioning face, he said, "My father's health is ailing him."

Claude merely raised an eyebrow. "Of course."

That very night, the king died, and before dawn broke over the city, Alois and Ciel were married. That morning, in the square, he went again to meet his people, this time as their other...king...queen...thing.

Alois stood over the people, in his stone balcony. He outstretched his arms. "My father's final words were, 'Love him as I loved him, and there will be joy.' Now, I present to you, your... queen... Queen Ciel!"

Not even fazed by the blatant disregard to his gender, Ciel walked out into the town square for the second time. As before, all bowed before him, sinking to their knees and refusing to meet his eyes. He stared out at them all with dead eyes.

"_Boo!"_

The second he heard the cry, he turned so fast his neck may well have snapped off. An old, grey woman was hobbled over, her face contorted in utter disgust.

"Boo!" She cawed. _"Boo!"_

Ciel's lower lip began to tremble. "What are you saying?" He gasped, his voice shaking – whether with anger or fear was yet to be discerned.

"You had love in your hands!" The old woman cried, looking at Ciel sadly. "And you let him go!"

Ciel flared up. "They would have killed Sebastian had I not done something!" he argued. But it was futile. The old woman had turned around, and was now speaking to the crowd.

"His true love lives! And yet he marries another! He saved his life, back in the Fire Swamp! And he treated him like garbage!" She whirled around, and suddenly she was much closer then she was before, her pale eyes staring right into Ciel's. "And that's what he is! The Queen of Garbage! The Queen of Refuse! So bow down to him!"

Ciel's eye was filling rapidly with tears that he couldn't stop, as each of the old woman's harsh words pierced him like an arrow.

"Bow down if you want to! Bow to the Queen of slime! Of filth! Boo! _Boo!_ Rubbish, filth, slime, muck! Boo! _Boo! Boo!"_

Ciel awoke in a cold sweat, gasping for air. Blindly, he clutched at his sheets, pulling them tight around his chest.

It was ten days to the wedding. The King still lived, but Ciel's nightmares were growing worse every night. As his breath slowed, he came to a decision. Grabbing his eye patch from his dresser, he rolled off the bed and stormed down the hall.

He rounded the corner to Alois' study, and slammed to doors open. Taking a deep breath, he found his voice. "It comes to this. I love Sebastian, I always have. I I know now that I can never love another."

Alois stared at him.

"So if you tell me that I must marry you in ten days," he continued, walking forwards and placing his hands on the prince's desk, "please believe I will be dead by morning."

Alois blinked.

Ciel stared right back at him refusing to back down.

After what seemed like hours of agonizing silence, Alois finally spoke. Heaving a great sigh, he said, "I could never cause you grief." Liar. "Consider our wedding off."

Ciel watched as Alois stood, and made his way over to Count Claude. "You returned this... Sebastian... to his ship, yes?"

Claude nodded. Alois looked back at Ciel. "We'll simply alert him, then. Although... are you sure he still wants you? After all, it was you who did the leaving in the Fire Swamp, was it not?"

Ciel glared at him. "My Sebastian will always come for me."

Alois fought very hard with himself not to roll his eyes. "Right then. I suggest that you do this – write four copies of a letter. We'll send out four of our fastest ships, one in each direction, searching for his ship. Once in sight, tell them to run up the white flag and deliver the letter." He now turned to Ciel. "If your Sebastian still wants you, he is free to come and get you."

Stepping forward and pulling his face close to Ciel's, he said softly, "But if he does not, please consider me as an alternative to suicide."

Wordlessly, Ciel nodded.

And without another word, raced out of the room to write four copies of a letter.

**A/N Oh, Ciel, you're such a drama queen! 'If I have to marry Alois, I'll kill myself!' Shut up, you~. **

**...although, I'd probably say the same thing... *shivers***

**Again, apologies for this being so late. Please accept this chapter as a sign of deepest regret. And please, do remember – reviews are the forgiveness to my apologies. :)**


	17. The Zoo of Death, Level Five

**A/N I think I should stop writing ridiculously long author's notes and just get on with the damn story :/**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the clothes on my back, wut.**

_Chapter Seventeen: The Zoo of Death, Level Five_

As Ciel sat around in his room, trying his very hardest to think of the best way to write his letter to Sebastian, Alois and Count Claude were lazily making their way through a forest. Alois kicked up several leaves under his feet. Claude watched him for a moment before speaking. "Your princess is quite a lovely creature, if a bit simple."

"Yes," agreed Alois amicably. "The people seem quite taken with him. It's odd, though," here he stopped to look up at his Count. "When I hired Ash to dispose of her on the Florin/Guilder border, I thought that was clever." His grin grew broader. "But it will be so much more moving when I strangle him on our wedding night."

Count Clause pushed his glasses up his nose.

"The nation will be so enraged their demand we go to war." Alois giggled, and began to walk again. Count Claude smiled faintly and followed him.

They soon encountered upon a tree, wherein Alois stopped and looked expectantly up at his companion. The Count looked at the tree, golden eyes narrowed. "Now, where is that secret knot... ah, there it is."

With a single push of the knot, a hidden door opened on the tree. Claude stepped down onto a wooden staircase. Half encased in shadow, he looked back up at the prince. "Are you coming down into the Zoo?" he asked. A horrible grin curled on the edges of his lips. "Sebastian has gained his strength back, it seems. I'm starting him on the Machine tonight."

Alois tried to hide the shiver that went through him. Cruel and sadistic bastard though he may be, the thought of the Machine still sent chills down his spine. "I would, but you see, I have my country's 500th anniversary to plan, my wedding to arrange, my husband to murder, and Guilder to frame for it." He shrugged. "I'm swamped!"

Count Claude came forward and placed his hand on Alois' shoulder in a way so awkward it beat out Voldemort's awkward hugging scene. "Get some rest. After all, if you haven't got your health, well, you haven't got anything."

And he gave the weakest excuse for a smile, said "There, there," and walked away. Sheldon Cooper would be so proud.

**xXx**

Down in the Zoo of Death, Level Five, Sebastian was trying very hard to break free from his bonds. Apart from being strapped down to a wheeled table, he had nodes and electron-thingy's attached all over his body. But as Gilbert the freaky albino wheeled him towards a huge wooden structure, he was also trying very hard to make it look like he wasn't scared at all.

Watching him intently, Count Claude stroked his non-existent beard. As Sebastian continued to look for ways out while simultaneously maintaining a bored expression, he stood and made his way over. "Beautiful, isn't it?"

Only he could think a piece of wood was beautiful. Sebastian turned his red eyes to his captor and attempted to fry a hole through his forehead using his mind. "It took me half a lifetime to invent it." His cool gaze never once left Sebastian's. "I'm sure but now you've discovered my deep interest in anything involving pain."

Sebastian looked away. Time for plan B.

"I'm actually writing a book on the subject," Count Claude continued. So you must agree to be completely honest with me on how it makes you feel."

Sebastian was not worried. After all, he was The Dread Pirate Michaelis, was he not? He had sustained plenty of torture before. As a matter of fact, he could always just wait until the torture was over and his Count Claude was lulled into a false sense of security to make his attack. Aha! There was plan B.

The Count made his way over to the Machine. "This being our first try, I'll use the lowest setting," he assured Sebastian.

Right. Like that was supposed to be comforting.

Barely able to hide his smile, Claude pushed the bar up to one.

A panel raised and water streamed through, rushing through various funnels and turning wheels and gears. Sebastian could only raise an eyebrow; this was supposed to scare him? Well sure, it might burn his ears off with the sound of squeaky gears, but this-

His thoughts disintegrated instantly and pain ripped through him.

Opening his mouth and screaming, no, _howling,_ as a million tiny white-hot knives pierced through his skin, he clenched his fists. It seemed as though his very being was being sucked out of him, as if something was being violently pulled from the depths of his soul.

_Ciel. Think of Ciel_. All of this was for Ciel. In fact, Sebastian need only think of him and the pain would be gone. It had always worked before. But try as he might, the face of the boy he loved just wouldn't come to him.

Then all of a sudden, the pain stopped. His ears were still roaring, but he could faintly hear himself still screaming. As he finally quieted down, reduced to gasping and shuddering, Count Claude took out his clipboard and a pen.

"As you know, the concept of the suction cups are centuries old. And really, that's all that this is, only instead of sucking water, I'm sucking life," the Count said, in a rather disturbing monotone. Out of the corner of his eyes, Sebastian could see Gilbert shrinking into a corner, eyes wide with horror. "I have just sucked away one year of your life. I might one day go as high as five, but I really don't know what that will do to you, so for now we'll just stick with what we have. Tell me know, and please be honest – how does is make you feel?"

In blind pain and humiliation, Sebastian closed his eyes and cried like a child.

"Interesting," said the Count, making a note on his clipboard.

**xXx**

Meanwhile, our dear Prince Alois was not doing quite so well. Angrily he tossed his paperwork around. He was a prince, since when did he have to do paperwork!

The chief of his police came storming into the room. Alois glared up at him. "Sire," the chief stammered. Alois rolled his eyes and gestured for the man to come forward. The chief came and knelt at his chair, and Alois was hit with the sudden realization that all his high ranking police officers looked exactly the same. Maybe they were all related.

"Listen, my dear chief. I have it under strict confidentiality that spies from Guilder have infiltrated us, and are planning to murder my husband on our wedding night."

The chief looked rather surprised at that. "My spy network has heard no such thing."

Alois became so enraged he was about to pull out the other's eye, when Ciel came bursting into the room. Both Alois and his chief quickly stood up.

"Any word yet from Sebastian?" Ciel asked breathlessly, as if he'd run all the way there.

"Soon, my angel," said Alois, spreading his arms. "Patience, my dear."

Ciel turned up his nose slightly. _Angel?_ Sebastian would never have called him that. "He will come for me. He always does."

Alois merely nodded_. _"Of_ course."_

Sniffing, Ciel walked away. As soon as he was out of earshot, Alois and the chief sat back down. "He will not be murdered!" Alois voiced fiercely. (irony...) "on the day of the wedding, I want the Thieves' forest emptied, and all its inhabitants arrested!"

"Your highness," said the chief weakly, "many of the thieves will resist... my men may not be enough..."

"Form a Brute Squad then!" Alois spat. "I want that forest emptied!"

"All right," agreed the chief. "but it will not be easy."

Alois shrugged and settled back into his chair. "Try ruling the world sometime."

**xXx**

And so the day of the wedding arrived. The newly formed Brute Squad certainly had their hands full trying to clear out the Thieves' Forest.

"Is everyone out?" asked the chief to one of his commanding officers, who coincidentally looked exactly like him.

"Almost," the officer replied. "There's a shinigami giving us some trouble."

The chief scowled darkly. "Then give _him_ some trouble."

Indeed, there was a shinigami giving them trouble – a whole whack of trouble. Sitting by the door of a bar with multiple drinks in his hand, he drawled, "I am waiting for you, Ash!"

The officer rounded the corner, and glared at the redhead lying in the pool of alcohol. "You there! Get up!"

Grell mumbled some things at him that he couldn't hear. The officer spoke louder. "The prince has given orders!"

Without warning, Grell ripped the cord of his chainsaw and leapt forward. The officer screamed like a girl and backed away. Grell grinned wickedly, sharp teeth gleaming. "I only take orders from Ash," he snarled.

The officer, who was now completely terrified of the chainsaw, said in a very high-pitched voice, "Y-you! Brute! Get him!"

Angrily, Grell, turned off his chainsaw, and made to glare at the brute. But instead, he found himself staring at two very familiar eyes.

Two very familiar Indian eyes.

Slowly, a sweet smile formed on Grell's face. "It's you," he said happily.

"Yes, it's me." Agni answered. The officer was now very confused, and made a mover forward. Agni simply reached out with his right hand and punched him in the face. "You don't look too good."

"Pssh," Grell laughed. "I'm fine!"

Agni merely raised an eyebrow. "You don't smell too good, either."

Grell laughed again, and Agni shrugged. He patted him on the back, and made to start moving.

And Grell promptly fainted on the spot.

**A/N A lot of you knew who Gilbert was – yes, he's from Hetalia. I used him purely because he's an albino, and the book clearly states that it's an albino who should be working in the Zoo. However, halfway through this chapter I realized I probably could have used Undertaker... oops...**

**Some weird shit was going down with my account, so I had some trouble uploading this and replying to reviews, so if I didn't get to yours I apologize. I think it's fixed now, though. Because after all, reviews are the turkey to my Thanksgiving dinner~**


	18. Miracles

**A/N Wow, haha... how long has it been?...**

**Anyone have any good tips on how to survive senior year? Hardest thing I've ever done. Why did no one warn me?**

**Also, next chapter is the last one. So, enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I only own the brilliant idea of smashing these two fandoms together~**

_Chapter Eighteen: Siege the Castle_

And so Grell and Agni (oh and Soma, please don't forget him) were reunited once more. Agni nursed his sick friend back to health, feeding him things like Chicken Noodle Soup, because sweet Jesus that stuff works. And slowly, Grell began to come around, looking slightly better off than the drunkard he was before.

As he recovered, Agni told him of Ash's death, and the existence of Count Claude, the six-fingered man. Considering Grell's not-quite-lifelong search for the man, he took the news surprisingly well.

By fainting again.

This time Agni was not so kind – he dumped Grell's head in a bucket of cold water, then a bucket of hot water, then cold water, and so on, until Grell smacked him to make him stop. "Enough! _Enough!"_

Splashing water out of his hair, Grell said breathlessly, "Where is Claude now? Tell me, so that I may kill him!"

"You can try," replied Agni, "but he is in the castle – which now, thanks to the wedding, is surrounded by thirty men!"

Grell swore loudly, and attempted to kill himself, as per usual. Soma squealed, but Agni merely watched, until the redhead calmed down and turned to him. "How many could you handle?"

Agni shrugged. "I don't think more than ten."

Grell glanced down at his own twitching fingers, then at the chainsaw sitting in the corner. "That would leave twenty for me." He sighed. "Oh, even on my best day, I don't think I could handle that many." He sank to the ground, defeated. "We need Ash here; I have no gift for strategy."

"But Ash is dead," Agni said bluntly. Grell looked up at him, a strange light in his eyes.

"No..." he said breathlessly. "I need the man in black."

Of course, it all seemed so obvious. He was a better swordsman than Grell, stronger than Agni, and if Ash was dead – then he must be a genius as well! "The man in black can surely plan a siege on the castle by tonight!"

Grell stood up so fast his chair fell over behind him. "Come, Agni! And Soma, you too!"

"Where are you going?"

"To find the man in black!"

"But you don't know where he is!" Agni called out after his friend. His voice drifted back through the door.

"I have my hunk radar!"

To which Agni sighed and followed his friend. Soma went, too. In case you forgot he was there.

**xXx**

At the palace, Alois was in a state of dire anxiety. To relax his nerves, he was sharpening his dagger. As the blade slid across the stone, his Chief of police came whirling around the door. "The Thieves' Forest is empty, sire!"

Alois glanced up. The Chief was looking proud of himself, with his chest puffed out. "The castle gate has thirty men guarding it. And there is only one key – the one I hold."

Eyebrows raised, Alois was about to respond when they were joined by none other than Ciel himself. "Ah," said Alois, smiling falsely, "how wonderful to see you." He grabbed Ciel's hands, to which the other responded with great disgust. "Tonight we shall be married," he proclaimed loudly. "And ready every ship; for in the morning, I want my entire armada to accompany us."

"Every ship but four," Ciel interrupted. The smile fast fell from Alois' face. "Every ship but the four you sent out."

"Yes," Alois answered, gritting his teeth. "Yes, of course, not those ships."

The chief of police could barely stand the tension anymore, so he cleared his throat and quickly excused himself. Ciel turned back to glare at the prince. "You never sent those ships," he said accusingly. "You lied."

Alois turned a rather nasty shade of red.

"No matter," Ciel said, turning away. "Sebastian will come for me."

"You are a fool." Alois stated, and turned away.

"Yes, I am a fool!" Ciel shot back at him, as he walked to his desk. "Yes, I am a fool, for I wish I had seen sooner that you are nothing but a coward!"

Alois slid his dagger into its sheath very loudly. "Do not call me a coward," he said very lowly, very dangerously.

Ciel looked straight onto the cold blue eyes, without fear. "Why not?" He asked simply. "You can't hurt me. Sebastian and I," he took a deep breath, "are bound by love, something more powerful than you can even imagine. Something you cannot track with a thousand bloodhounds, something you cannot break with a thousand swords.

"And believe me when I say, Prince Alois, that you are nothing more than the slimiest of worms, the lowest of spiders, crawling along the face of this Earth like the cowardly wretch you are!"

Alois slammed the dagger down on the table, and stormed towards Ciel. His breath caught in his throat as the prince grabbed him by his arm, encircling it in a grip of iron. Ciel yelped as he was dragged out of the room, Alois screeching "Do not call me coward!"

Angrily, he threw Ciel into his room, and slammed the door shut. As his footsteps echoed down the hall, Ciel ran forward and banged on the door, hit it, kicked it, slammed his whole body on to it. "Sebastian!" He pounded furiously on the door. "_Sebastian!"_

But his butler could not hear him.

**xXx**

Alois ran. He could not stop running. Fuelled by anger, he ran all the way to the Zoo of Death, where his feet slammed on each step until he was all the way down at Level Five.

Gilbert squealed as he saw him, and quickly dived under a table to hide himself. Count Claude turned around to be met with a face contorted with rage. "Your highness, I-"

But Alois was not here for him. He went straight for Sebastian, leaning over the man's weak body. "You truly love each other. And so, you might have been truly happy. Not everyone has that chance, not even once in a century." A horrible grin came over his face, as he began to giggle. "And so, I think that no man will suffer as you will."

And he turned the Machine on to full blast.

Count Claude stood up, staring in horror. "Not to 50!"

Sebastian screamed, wailed, _roared_, as the Machine clanked to life. Gilbert from under the table, covered his ears, but nothing could block this out. It seeped into their every bone, like every voice in Hell was crying out at once.

Alois watched, smiling in triumph.

His screams echoed all throughout the town, to the Thieves' Forest, even to the castle, where Ciel looked up from his despair. It fell on the ears of everyone reaching up through the ground. It fell on the ears of three individuals.

"Stop!" Grell cried, holding out his hand. "Do you hear that?"

Soma squealed and buried his face into Agni's clothes. The tall Indian man looked out. "What is it?"

"That," said Grell dramatically, "is the sound of ultimate suffering. I know because that is the sound my heart made the night Will died. And it is the sound that the man in black is making now."

"How do you know?" Agni asked. Grell looked at his as though he were stupid.

"His true love marries another tonight! Who else could have cause to make such a noise?" He turned and began to make his way through the crowd. "Follow that noise, Agni! Excuse me! Pardon me! Sorry! Pardon! Agni, could you-"

Agni raised his hands and circled them around his mouth. "Everybody MOVE!"

The crowd immediately parted. Agni smiled a secret smile to himself. _Megaphone-gusta._

**xXx**

Gilbert chugged through the forest carrying a wheelbarrow. He was so busy trying to keep the sun out of his eyes that he didn't notice some guy with bright red hair jump out and put a chainsaw up to his throat. Stupid Gilbert.

"Where are they keeping the man in black?"

Gilbert, having never been introduced to a chainsaw before, let go of all pretence of being awesome and stood there whimpering at the sight of it. Grell gestured to his friend. "Agni, check his memories."

Agni reached out and clunked him on the head. Gilbert smiled at them, and fell over sideway. Impatiently, Grell turned. "Agni! Look what you did!"

"Sorry." Agni smiled sheepishly. "But this hand has the power of a God."

Sighing, Grell went into the center of the trees. Closing his eyes, he held out his hand. "Hunk radar," he said, "You have never failed me before. Do not fail me now."

Slowly, but surely, he rose to his feet, eyes fluttering beneath lightly shut eyelids. Agni watched in mild amusement as Grell stumbled through the trees, seeming to follow only his hand. He stopped for a moment, tensed, then fumbled forward and ran right into a tree.

His eyes flew open. The tree stood before him, old and thick and knotted, mocking him. Angrily, he punched it. "Ow!"

"Have you ever been so mad that you punched a tree?" Agni mused to himself, but both he and his companions jumped when a hidden door swung open.

Grell turned back to stare at Agni, who merely shrugged. The redhead flashed him a shark-toothed grin. "Hunk radar, what did I tell you~."

The three friends made their way down the stairs, Grell in the lead with his chainsaw out in front of him, Agni following close behind, Soma clutching to his robes. They tread down staircase after staircase, passing Level One, then Level Two, Three, and Four. They stopped when they reached Level Five.

"I am more than slightly nervous to go down there," said Soma, but no one paid him any attention. They crept down the final staircase.

When they reached the bottom, Grell let out a cry of despair. "Look!"

There, at the bottom, was the man in black, lying with his shirt open. His chest was not moving.

Agni rushed forward to place his ear over the man's heart. Grell whimpered, watching as Agni listened carefully for any sound of a heartbeat.

The Indian slowly raised his head. His eyes were wide, his face blank with shock.

"He's dead."

The two words echoed about the empty chamber. Despairing, Soma slid to the ground. Agni leaned against the wooden table, hardly daring to believe it.

Grell slowly ventured forward. His eyes rested along the smooth, defined muscles of the man in black. He thought, quite suddenly, of his dear William, and how strikingly similar the two were. He thought of how he had simply allowed William to die at the hands of the Count. Then he looked up at Agni.

"Grell Sutcliffe never takes that for an answer."

Then, turning around and swishing his coat, he said loudly, "Grab him, Agni! We are going to – oh," he stopped suddenly. "Do you have any money?"

"Um," Agni said. "I am the servant to a prince. Yes, I have money."

"Oh." Grell blinked. Soma was a prince. "Good."

"Why," inquired Agni, as he lifted the motionless body from the table, "do we need money? And how much do we need."

White teeth flashed a Grell grinned. "Enough to buy a miracle."

**xXx**

"Go away!"

Grell blinked.

Not to be put out, however, he knocked again. This time, he did not stop until the small window on the door opened. "What?"

The man's dirty blond hair was literally dirty, ashes and soot clung to its tips. Black smudges ran across his face. For all any of them knew, he might have just walked out of an explosion. Grell blinked again, but shook his head. "Are you the Miracle Bard, who worked for the King all those years?"

"You mean the one whose stinking son fired me for blowing up his kitchen?" Bard scrunched his nose. "Yeah, that's me. Thank you for bringing up such a painful memory, by the way. While you're at it, why don't you just give me a paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We're closed!"

And he slammed the window.

Grell huffed, and began knocking again. "Please, we need your help! You're the only one!"

Bard opened the door again. "Why are you asking someone who the King's stinking son fired? I might kill the guy you want me to use a miracle on!"

"He's already dead," Grell said lightly.

The miracle man glanced at the dead body, then back at the two. "He is, huh? Well, alright, bring him in. I'll take a look."

They laid him carefully down on the stretcher. In the corner, a much smaller blond came creeping forward to look. "Is he really dead?"

"Yes, Finny. Go... pick the carrots or something." Bard shooed him away. The he stopped and looked at the man. After a few minutes of looking, he picked up Sebastian's hand.

Grell cleared his throat. "Um, if you don't mind, sir, we are in a terrible rush."

Bard glared. "Don't rush a miracle man. You got money?"

"69," Grell answered, and tried not to giggle. Bard rolled his eyes again. "I never work for that little. Well, except once. But that was for a very noble cause."

"This is a noble cause," said Grell, trying to be serious. Agni kicked him. Grell pouted, and kicked him back. Bard groaned. "No, I mean it," Grell continued. His wife is dead. His children are dying of starvation."

"Baloney." Bard turned away.

Grell grabbed his robes. "I need this man to help me avenge the death of my lover."

"The first one was better." Bard shook him off. "Guy probably owes you money. Whatever, if you won't tell me, I'll just have to ask him myself."

For a moment, Grell was thrown off his guard. "He's dead, he can't talk."

"Oh, look at you, big guy, think you're so smart." Bard hoisted a large air pump from his shelves. "Well, it just so happens that your friend here? He's only mostly dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead, and all dead. Now open his mouth."

Grell hastened to do so. Bard shoved the air pump in him mouth, and squeezed, pushing air into Sebastian's lungs. "Stay back." Grell stepped back, and watched in wonder and awe as Bard leaned very close to Sebastian's ear.

And jumped when he yelled. "Hey! Hello in there! You! Yeah, you! Tell me, what's so important up here that you gotta come back for it?"

Then Bard placed his hands on Sebastian's chest and an ear up to his lips. Pushing down slightly, air came rushing through the man's lungs, and with them, two very distinct words.

"True love."

Grell jumped. "You hear that? True love! You could not ask for a more noble cause than that!"

But Bard shook his head. "Yes, true love is the greatest thing on the planet. Except for maybe a good BLT. But! He didn't say that. He distinctly said, 'Tooblaeve,' and as we all know, that means, 'the bluff.' So, you were probably playing cards, and he cheated, and-"

Suddenly, from the garden, Finny squeaked, and a high-pitched roar came from somewhere outside the room.

"LIAR!"

Bard flinched, and immediately tried to make himself invisible. It was soon shown why when a second later, a pink-haired glasses wearing maniac came storming into the room. "Liar! _Liiiaaaaaaaaar!_" She screamed in his face.

Bard yelped. "Get back, witch!"

"I'm not a witch, I'm your wife!" She screeched. "Although, after what I just heard, I'm not sure I wanna be that anymore!"

"You never had it so good," Bard said, but his voice was drowned in her screaming. "True love! He said true love, Bard, I heard it as clear as day! And so did you!" She turned to Grell and Agni, who were currently trying to blend in with the furniture. "You wanna know the truth? He's just afraid! After Alois fired him-"

"Why did you say that name, you promised me you would never say that name!"

"Alois!" She yelled. "Alois! Alois! Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois-"

"Stop!"

"Alois Alois Alois Alois Alois-"

"I'm not listening!"

"You won't even have the decency to tell them why you won't do it! Alois! He's just afraid! Alois Alois Alois-"

"This is Prince Alois' wife!" Grell yelled suddenly. "If you save him you can stop the wedding!"

Immediately the two ceased their bickering and Bard whirled around to face him. "Well, why didn't you say so before? Give me the 69!"

Then he stopped, and thought about what he said, and they all had a good laugh.

**xXx**

Bard held out the small chocolate, as Meirin clung to his arm. Finny snuck up behind them looking at it in awe.

Grell wrinkled his nose. "It's chocolate."

"Chocolate makes it go down easy." Meirin said knowingly. "But you have to wait 15 minutes for full potency."

"Oh, and don't go swimming for at least, oh what was it again..."

"An hour."

"Yeah, an hour." Bard smiled at the two. Three. Four? "Well, have fun, kids."

They waved to them as the figure faded off into the distance. "Think it'll work?"

"It'll take a miracle."

"_Goodbye!"_

Fifteen minutes later, Agni and Grell had lugged Sebastian's lifeless body all the way up to behind the castle walls. As they lay down in the stone parapets (is that what they're called? I don't actually know) and looked a t the army below them.

"Uh, Grell?" Agni said worriedly. "There are more than 30 men."

"What does it matter?" Grell said brightly. "We have this hottie!" He swung Sebastian's face around. Agni looked at him. Grell sighed impatiently. "Just give me the miracle pill!"

With some difficulty, they hoisted him up into a sitting position. "We'll have to force-feed him," Grell said excitedly. "Can I do it?"

"You know he already has a true love?" Agni asked, but passed him the pill anyway. Grell chose not to listen, and pushed pill into his mouth. "All right. Now, how long do we wait?"

"He said fifteen minutes."

It was at that exact moment that Sebastian's eyes flew wide open.

**A/N Ohoho, so I guess he's not dead after all.**

**Bard/Meirin. Anyone else just love it to pieces? Or is it just one of my creepy crack-couple fantasies. Although, they were out of character, weren't they. Oh well.**

**I can't apologize enough for the lack of updates. And I could give a hundred excuses but there's really only one: school. It's hard. Christmas better damn well come soon.**

**Anyway, umm, next chapter is finale. Yup. Please stay tuned till then.**

**Because reviews are the motivation to write more.**


	19. The Final Scene

**A/N Well, this is it. The end. Little bit sad. Pretty damn proud. Thank you to everyone who supported me in this magnificent endeavour, which I probably should have thought out better before I started. Oh well. Love to all :D**

**Disclaimer: Yeah. I don't own it.**

_Chapter Nineteen: The Final Scene_

"I'll take you both together!"

The words were out of Sebastian's mouth before Grell could even blink. Agni clapped a hand over his mouth, and red eyes glared fiercely out from above it. The tall Indian shrugged. "I guess it doesn't take that long."

Slowly he removed his hand. Sebastian turned his gaze to Grell. "Why won't my arms move?" He asked shortly.

"You've been mostly dead all day," Agni replied, shrugging.

"We obtained a pill from Miracle Bard," Grell said excitedly. "We brought you back to life!"

Sebastian's eyes narrowed. "Who are you? Do I know you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where's Ciel?"

"Let me explain!" Grell exclaimed, then paused, the smile falling from his face. "No, there is too much to explain. Let me sum it up." He cleared his throat. "Prince Alois is going to marry Ciel in a little less than half an hour. All we have to do is break in, stop the wedding, steal the Prince...ess... and make our escape!" He blinked. "After I kill Count Claude."

"That doesn't leave much time for dilly-dallying," Sebastian mused, tapping his thumb thoughtfully against his (wonderfully exposed) chest. Agni noticed, and smiled.

"You just wiggled your finger!" He said happily. Sebastian looked up to glare at him.

"I've always been a quick healer."He turned back to Grell. "What are out liabilities?"

There is but one castle gate, and it is surrounded by sixty men."

"And our assets?"

"You brains, Agni's strength, and my steel," Grell replied, pulling out his chainsaw.

Sebastian looked disdainfully at the rusty old thing. "Impossible." He shook his head. "If I had a full day to plan, I could come up with something, but this?"

"You just shook your head!" Agni argued. "Doesn't that make you happy?"

Sebastian merely glared. "If we only had a wheelbarrow, that would be something."

Grell jerked his head up, looking at Agni. "Where do we have that wheelbarrow we brought him to Miracle Brad's with?"

"Soma has it," Agni gestured behind him. The young Indian waved at them from behind a wheelbarrow.

Sebastian now turned to Grell with a look of utter 'you-are-so-incompetent' on his face. "Why didn't you list that among our assets before?" He heaved a great sigh. "Now, what I wouldn't give for a Holocaust cloak."

"Oh, you mean like this one?" Agni asked, pulling a long black cloak out of who-knows-where. Grell blinked. "Where did you get that?"

"I grabbed it off one of the Brute Squad," he answered. "Thought it might come in handy later on."

"All right, all right." Sebastian said roughly. "Lift me up."

The two managed to heave him to his feet, with one arm draped over each shoulder. But limp as he was, his head kept falling down, so that Agni had to lift it back up. "Now, I shall need a sword eventually." His head drooped.

"Why?" Asked Grell, as Agni fixed the problem. "You can't even lift one!"

"Doesn't matter," Sebastian answered simply. "That's hardly common knowledge, is it?"

As they shuffled along their way, Sebastian began to form the root plans. "Now, there will be problems once we are inside the castle."

"I'll say," Grell grumbled. "Once we're inside, how do I find Claude? Once I defeat Claude, how will I find you again? Once I find you again-"

"Quiet," said Agni, pulling Sebastian's head away. "He's had a hard day."

"Right," Grell said, glancing back at Sebastian with adoration in his eyes. "Sorry~."

Sebastian fought the urge to throw up.

**xXx**

Inside the castle, as night fell, things were not going as well as Ciel had hoped.

"You don't seem excited, my muffin," Alois cooed as he played with Ciel's hair. The latter slapped his hand away.

"Don't call me that," he grumbled. "And what reason should I have to be excited?"

"Well, when people are about to get married," Alois answered, "they generally are."

Ciel turned to face him. "But I'm not going to marry you tonight," he said cheekily. "Sebastian will come for me."

Then he turned and walked out of the room. Alois watched his butt for a bit, until he was out of sight. Then he turned forward, and smiled.

No, he thought, Sebastian would not be coming tonight, would he?

Outside the castle, shrouded in darkness, the three Buccaneers spied on the gates. Indeed, sixty men stood guard in front. The three looked at each other, determination on their faces, and nodded.

Inside the Grand Hall of the castle, dozens of people had come to watch the wedding. Alois and Ciel knelt in front of the altar, while the bishop, sprinkled them with holy water. Ciel sneezed. The bishop then gestured for them to rise, which they did.

"Marriage," he said in a wobbly voice. "Marriage is what bring us together today. Marriage, that blessed arrangement. That dream within a dream."

Ciel had to stop himself from falling asleep.

He was jolted awake by muffled shouts coming from outside. Straining his ears, he managed to hear, "Stand your ground, men!"

Outside of the gates, surrounded by smoke and illuminated by an unseen source, a dark figure rose above the men. All the guards shuffled back several steps, whimpering softly to themselves.

"Stand your ground!" The captain screamed furiously.

"_I am the Dread Pirate Michaelis!" _The booming voice came from the figure. _"There will be no survivors!"_

Behind the wheelbarrow, Grell was pushing with all his might. Sebastian was leaning on his back, barely managing to shuffle along. "Now?" The redhead hissed at his companion.

"Not yet," Sebastian grunted back, sweat dripping from his forehead.

"_I am here!"_ Agni continued, raising a menacing finger to point at the guards. _"But soon you will not be here!"_

"Now!"

Grell grabbed a candle and pressed it to the back of the oil-soaked cloak. Within seconds it was up in flames. Agni now stood in the center of fire, his eyes glowing with otherworldly rage. "_The Dread Pirate Michaelis takes no survivors!"_ He roared.

The guards shrieked, and dropped everything. Fighting, pushing, shoving, they clambered over each other to make their escape.

Inside the castle, their shouts were muffled, as the bishop continued to warble. "Then love, true love, will follow you, forever."

Alois, annoyed with all the clamber from outside, glared at Count Claude. _Make it stop_, they seemed to shoot.

Claude nodded imperceptibly, and stepped away from the ranks.

"_The Dread Pirate Michaelis is here for your souls!" _Came the final roar from outside.

The last dregs of men disappeared, leaving only the head of the guard. He stared up at the flaming monster in absolute terror.

The sudden silence from outside disconcerted the people inside. All but the bishop, that is. He continued on as if nothing had changed. "So treasure your wife..."

"Skip to the end, please," Alois said shortly. His agitation showed clearly on his face. The bishop took it in stride.

"Have you the ring?"

Alois grabbed the small band of gold and shoved it unceremoniously onto Ciel's dainty white finger. The young man looked unimpressed. "Here comes Sebastian now," he said tauntingly.

"Your Sebastian is dead!" Alois snarled at him, showing his true anger to Ciel for the first time. "I killed him myself!"

Ciel smirked at him, unwavering at the display. "Then why is there fear behind your eyes?"

Outside the gates, the three men had cornered the captain of the guard. "Give us the keys," said Sebastian in his most threatening and sadistic voice.

"I-I don't have any keys," the captain gulped.

Grell looked at his friend. "Agni, tear his arms off."

"Oh, you mean these keys?"

The bishop was still going. "Do you, Princess Ciel-"

"I'm not a fucking princess-"

"Say man and husband!" Alois screeched.

The bishop shrugged. "Man and husband!"

Ciel turned to look at the bishop, his face falling as horror and surprise gathered in his eyes. Alois grinned in grim satisfaction. "Escort him to the honeymoon suite," he said, shoving his new husband towards his father. "I shall be there shortly."

Ciel's knees felt weak as he walked down the hall. "He didn't come," he said softly, despairingly.

**xXx**

Elsewhere in the castle, Count Claude was running at full speed down the hallway. Grell, Agni, and Sebastian crept cautiously down another, Sebastian being supported almost entirely by Agni.

As Grell peeked his head around a corner, Sebastian gestured to continue down it. The three silently stepped around the corner, sneak level 100.

Suddenly Count Claude came racing around the corner. He skidded to a halt when he saw the three of them, his lip curling. Grell stepped forward, a grin pulling back his lips, showing the shark-sharp teeth.

"Hello," he said very softly. "My name is Grell Sutcliffe. You killed my lover. Prepare to die."

And he pulled the rig of his chainsaw, causing it to roar to life.

Claude took one look at the scene in front of him, and turned tail in the other direction and ran.

Grell, who had not been expecting this reaction, was left shocked for a moment. But only for a moment, as the jerked himself back to existence and took off down the hall behind him.

Agni and Sebastian looked at each other, the 'Oh, shit" clear on their faces.

Claude was running at full speed; he swung around a corner and into the foods cellar, slamming the door shut behind him and locking it. When Grell came around seconds later, he found he was unable to open it.

"AGNI!" His distressed shriek echoed down the hall back to where Agni was still supporting Sebastian. Agni, HELP ME!"

The tall man sighed and propped Sebastian up against a suit of armour. "I shall be right back," he said, while Grell's cries of despair sounded around them. "Although," he added as he set off down the hall, "why he can't just use his chainsaw I don't even know..."

When Agni came around the corner, Grell was literally throwing his entire body at the door. Agni grabbed his shoulder. Painfully slowly, he unwrapped his right hand, and without further ado, punch the entire door out.

"There you go.

"Thank you."

**xXx**

Ciel walked slowly to his honeymoon suite, leaning on the old king for support. "Lovely wedding," the old man was murmuring to himself. "Strange, it seemed, yes, but lovely."

As the king's considerably younger husband strode on ahead, Ciel stopped the old man and turned to look at him. Quietly he kissed him on the cheek.

The old king looked positively delighted. "What was that for, dear?"

"Because you've always been so kind to me," Ciel said softly. "And because I won't be seeing you anymore, as I will be killing myself when we reach the honeymoon suite."

The old king laughed. "Well, isn't that nice, dear." He turned forward to his husband. "He kissed me!"

**xXx**

Count Claude had found himself at the bottom of the stairwell leading to the cellar, but he could hear Grell's heels clacking behind him. Damn, that boy could run.

He stopped at the bottom, and pulled a knife out of his suit. He tensed, waiting, waiting for the perfect moment.

And when Grell came barging around the corner, he tossed it, and watched as the blade sunk hilt-deep into the stomach of the man who was trying to kill him.

Grell gasped, and stumbled back, pressing against the wall. He looked down, as blood began to gush from his wound, all the colour draining his face. Claude felt himself smile in relief; safe now, he was.

"Sorry, Will," Grell whispered, the words bleeding from his lips. "I tried."

Claude walked slowly towards him. "So," he said coldly. "You must be that little brat I taught a lesson to all those years ago." He began to twirl a lock of his hair around a finger. "And do you mean to say that you've been chasing me your whole life only to fail now? Why, I think that's... the worst thing I've ever heard." He smiled wider. "How marvellous."

Grell groaned, and ripped the dagger out of his flesh. Claude raised his eyebrows. "You can't seriously still be trying to win," he said in amusement. When Grell said nothing, he lunged forward with his sword.

The chainsaw flew up and deflected to blow. Claude looked in surprise at Grell, who smiled weakly. "Hello."

Again Claude lunged, and again he blocked it. "My name is Grell Sutcliffe. You killed my lover. Prepare to die."

Count Claude's face contorted in anger. He attacked for a third time, and this time Grell pushed himself off the wall to fight back. "Hello. My name is Grell Sutcliffe. You killed my lover. Prepare to die."

"Stop saying that!" Claude spat.

Grell lashed forward with his chainsaw, creating a gash alongside Claude's face. "HELLO! My name is Grell Sutcliffe! You killed my lover! Prepare to DIE!" Another blow left Claude's face bleeding profusely. The Count fell to his knees, and backed up into a table.

"Offer me money," Grell hissed. "Power."

"Whatever you want," Claude ground out. "Anything, you shall have it!" He attempted to grab a knife from the broken table. But Grell caught him first and plunged the chainsaw deep into his chest.

"I want William back, you son of a bitch."

And he pulled the rig.

**xXx**

Inside his chambers, Ciel sat slowly down at his dresser. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the letter he had written to Sebastian. Of course, Alois had never sent it. He laughed softly. What a fool he'd been.

Pulling open one of the dresser drawers, he was relieved to see the knife used for cutting letters. Carefully, and with the utmost reverence, he lifted it up. The silver blade glittered in the moonlight. He raised it, and pressed the tip to his breast.

"There is a shortage of perfect chests in this world, Young Master. I should hate to see you destroy yours."

Ciel gasped, and whirled around. The knife clattered forgotten to the ground. For there, laying on his bed, draped from head to toe in black, was his ever faithful butler Sebastian.

With a glad cry, Ciel dashed forwards, leaping onto the bed and straight on top of his love. He pressed his lips to Sebastian's. "I thought you were dead!" He gasped. Sebastian raised his eyebrows when he saw tears forming in his young master's eyes. "Sh-shut up! I did! And that's the second time that's happened!"

Soft laughter danced across the stone walls. "Didn't I tell you once before?" He said. "Death cannot stop true love."

"I know," Ciel murmured. "I know... can you ever forgive me?"

"For what?" Sebastian inquired.

"Well," said Ciel, sitting up. "I am sort of married to someone else."

"Did you say, 'I do'?

Ciel blinked. "Um, no...?"

Sebastian smiled. "Well then. You aren't truly married, are you?"

A bright smile lit up Ciel's face, and he leaned back down to kiss Sebastian again.

Unfortunately, Prince Alois chose the exact moment before their lips touched to barge into the room.

He stared at the sight before him for a moment, then scoffed. "Of course, you wouldn't be dead yet, would you?" He pulled out his sword with a flourish. Ciel gasped, and rolled off of Sebastian. "To the death!" Alois cried.

"No!"

The sharp yell made everyone jump. All but the man who had spoken it. "To the pain."

Alois looked disdainfully at him. "I'm afraid I'm not familiar with that term."

"Then I'll explain," Sebastian continued. "And I'll be sure to use small words so as to be sure you'll understand, you warthog-faced buffoon.

"First, I cut off your right hand, at the wrist. The your left. The I cut off your right foot, at the ankle, and then your left. And then your nose."

"And then my tongue, I understand; I killed you too quickly, a mistake I don't mean to make again."

"I wasn't finished. It is followed by your right eye, and then your left-"

"And then my ears, I get it, can we move on with things?"

"NO!" Sebastian roared again, this time louder than before. "Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. Your ears you keep; so that every babe that weeps in your presence, every child who screams at the sight of you, every mother who's cries of 'Dear God, what is that thing!' will be yours to keep, echoing forever in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means, it means I leave you, wallowing in anguish and deformed hideousness, in freakish misery, forever."

Alois looked a little more than shaken at this. "You're bluffing."

"Perhaps." Sebastian's voice was oddly soft. "Perhaps I am only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. But perhaps," and here he pushed himself of the bed with one elbow, "I have the strength after all."

Slowly, agonizingly slowly, he drew his sword from its sheath, and pointed it at Alois' face.

"Drop. Your. Sword."

There was a clatter of metal colliding with stone as Alois dropped his sword.

Without losing his stance, Sebastian nodded at him. "Sit down." The Prince did so, clanking his ass on a plush chair. The man in black allowed a small smile to grace his face at the sight of his defeated foe. "Tie him up."

As Ciel raced to do so, the doors slammed open again and Grell stumbled in. The two men nodded at each other. "Where's Agni?"

Sebastian narrowed his eyes. "I thought he was with you."

Grell shook his head. Sebastian sighed. "well then, we shall just have to-oh, dear," he said, as he stumbled.

"Help him," Grell said, gesturing to the sinking man.

"Why does he need helping?" Asked Ciel in worry, hurrying to help Sebastian up.

"Because he has no strength," Grell replied.

"I knew it, I knew he was bluffing! I knew he was bluffing," Alois argued, but stopped when Grell raised his bloody chainsaw up to his face.

"Shall I kill him?" He asked lightly, but Sebastian shook his head.

"Whatever happens to us, I want him to live out a long life of him and his cowardice," he said. It was not many a man who could look manly while leaning for support on someone like Ciel, but Sebastian managed to do it just fine.

"Grell! Where did you go!" Came a sudden cry from outside. The three rushed to the window, and started in surprise and joy when they saw Agni and Soma, leading five beautiful white horses.

"Agni!" Grell cried. "Where the heck did you get those horses from!"

"Well," Agni shrugged, "I was passing the stables, and I happened to see these five horses, and I thought, 'If we manage to make it out alive, how are we going to escape?' And so I brought them with me."

Grell laughed out loud. "My friend," he gushed, "you are a true genius~!"

Both men nodded at Ciel, who took their hands and jumped out the window. He landed neatly into Agni's outstretched arms. Sebastian made to follow, but Grell held out a hand and stopped him.

"All my life," he said, "I've been focused on the revenge of my Will. But now that Count Claude is dead," he shrugged, "I don't know what to do with myself."

"Have you ever considered piracy?" Sebastian asked. "Because, you'd make a wonderful Dread Pirate Michaelis." And with a wink, he jumped out the window. Grell blushed and shrugged, before following suit.

Once their horses were running forward, the shouts and cries of the castle guards were but a distant worry. Nothing could stop them now. They had won. They were free. Good had won out over evil. Bravery had won out over cowardice. Love had won out over hate. I was the perfect storybook ending.

Until Sebastian fell over, they took a wrong turn, and Ciel's horse threw a shoe, that is.

_~THE END~_

**A/N I swear that's how the book ended. I SWEAR. William Goldman has some really sick sense of humour.**

**And it's done. Oh, dear. I hope it was good enough for everyone. I tried. And who knows, maybe someday someone will realize how genius this was and write it out better than I did, haha!**

**But please, folks remember – reviews are the Sebastian to my Ciel.**


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